The Plus One Theory

Episode 19: Misalignment, Not Rejection

• Pam Dwyer • Season 1 • Episode 19

Share episode

Send us a text

We explore what happens when those around us don't understand our passion or goals, and why this isn't rejection but simply misalignment. Rather than draining our energy trying to convince others to see our vision, we can focus on those who are already listening and growing alongside us.

• Not everyone will see your vision, and that's okay – it's misalignment, not rejection
• Focus your energy on who's listening rather than those who don't understand
• The story of the broken ceramic bowl and the young man who crushed his pieces into dust
• How even what feels like complete brokenness can become soil for new growth
• The value of reframing "wasted time" as investments in wisdom
• Redirect your limited daily energy toward purpose rather than seeking approval

If you have a story where a small step, a tiny choice, or a "plus one" moment helped shift something big in your life, submit it through my website, pamdwyer.com on the contact page. We'll honor your story whether it's published with your name or anonymously.


Be a Guest on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

Are you someone who believes in the power of kindness, resilience, and intentional growth? Do you have a story about how small, meaningful steps have made a difference in your life or career?

I’d love to invite you to share your journey on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

This podcast is all about exploring how we can apply the Plus One Theory to create ripples of positivity and purpose in our personal and professional lives. I’m especially excited to feature guests who work in heart-centered careers—nurses, teachers, counselors, nonprofit leaders, caregivers, or anyone who dedicates their energy to helping others.

Your story could inspire listeners who are navigating their own challenges and looking for ways to take that next small step forward. Whether you’ve used kindness to overcome adversity, found strength in vulnerability, or applied intentional action to make an impact in your community, I want to hear from you!

Interested? Here’s How to Reach Out:

  • Email me with a brief introduction about yourself and your story.
  • Let me know how the Plus One Theory has played a role in your life or career.

Let’s work together to inspire others and create a ripple effect of kindness and resilience. I can’t wait to hear your story!

Share this with someone who inspires you...

Speaker 1:

Hey friends, welcome back to the Plus One Theory podcast. I'm your host, Pam Dwyer, and I'm so grateful you're here today. If you're tuning in for the first time, here's what this is all about. The Plus One Theory is a mindset, a way of approaching life that says do your best and then add just one small intentional step more, one small act of kindness, one better choice, one pause before reacting. That's it. And a quick note I'm not a doctor or a mental health professional. I'm someone who's walked through deep valleys and I've learned to use my experiences to grow forward and bring others with me. So if someone shared this episode with you, you've come to the right place. Let's talk about something that most of us have felt at one time or another. What happens when the people around you friends, family, even coworkers just don't get your passion, your goals? Your message Is that rejection? No, it's just what's the word? Oh, misalignment, that's what I'm going to use. That's all. Not everyone's going to see what you see, and if we spend all our energy trying to convince them or earn their approval, we're draining ourselves of the fuel we need to keep growing.

Speaker 1:

On my journey writing the Piney Woods and now working on the Plus One Theory book. I've had to learn this the hard way. Some people just didn't understand why I wanted to tell my story or why kindness and small steps meant so much to me. But when I started focusing on the reader, on the person who needed to hear it, the message changed. It got clearer, it became less about me and more about service. So here's the shift Don't pour your energy into what isn't. Don't measure yourself by someone else's scale and focus on what is on. Who's listening, who's showing up, who's growing alongside you. That's your network, that's your lane and that's where the purpose is. Let me share a story from when I was working in youth ministry. I don't think that I've shared a lot of these stories, but there's many. It was one of the most powerful lessons I ever taught and, honestly, it taught me just as much as it did the kids.

Speaker 1:

We were doing a lesson on brokenness. I brought in this beautiful ceramic bowl gorgeous, polished, perfect and then I shocked them all, which I like to do. I like to do that a lot. I like to shock people. Anyway, I shocked them all by placing the bowl in a bag, tied up the bag and took a hammer and I smashed it. Right there in the middle of the lesson, the room went dead silent. Then I dumped all the broken pieces onto the table and gave them glue, markers, string, glitter, boxes, jars, lids, you name it and I asked them to create something new out of the broken pieces. And let me tell you, they made some amazing pieces of artwork. It was beautiful to see how something so shattered could become something even more meaningful. And here I was thinking okay, this is the perfect lesson. I'm going to show them how they can rebuild after being broken.

Speaker 1:

But then we had this one young man. He was fairly new to the youth group and he walked up with his pieces in his hand and he said well, he asked me, he said Can I use the hammer, miss Pam? And I said Well, if you're careful. In my mind I was thinking he just wanted to make his pieces smaller, you know. So I handed it over, he took the bag, he put his pieces in there, but instead of gently breaking anything, he demolished the pieces. He crushed them into dust powder, basically, and then he poured them into a little small jar with a lid and he put the lid on. And then he looked at me and he said something that broke my heart. He said this is what I feel like. Every time I try to fix myself, it doesn't work. Oh goodness, it still makes me tear up. Anyway, he said every time I try to fix myself, it doesn't work.

Speaker 1:

I just ended up back here, closed off alone, and nothing left. Oh, my goodness y'all. At first I didn't know what to say to that, but then I had an idea. God was at work there. I said sit here for a second and I'm going to show you something, something that's going to help you feel better about this. So I ran into the kitchen and I grabbed a spoon and an apple and I ran outside and I dug up a little bit of dirt, brought it back in, I cut open the apple and pulled out a few seeds and I poured the dirt into his jar of dust you know broken ceramic pieces and I added the seeds and a tiny splash of water and I said right now it feels like you're dust but you're not done.

Speaker 1:

This may look like a jar of nothing, but it's the beginning of something. It's soil, and soil grows things. It takes time, it takes care and you've got to surround it with the right things, the right stuff to make it grow. And one day this will grow and it won't be just any plant, it's going to be a tree. It's going to grow into a beautiful tree and then even more years will pass before it can actually bear fruit, but it will. If you feed it the right stuff, you get a lot of healthy soil and plenty of water and sunshine. You surround it with all of that and you will be better than you were before. He just nodded. And well, that jar. I know that he kept it. We talked about that jar for a long time and I try to. You know I retired from youth ministry and I try to remember things like this all the time. And I try to. You know I retired from youth ministry and I try to remember things like this all the time. And I like to think that he planted that tree in his backyard and has watched it grow and he's nurtured it, taken care of it, and now he's getting lots of apples from his tree. I pray and hope that all of the youth that I was blessed with, you know, has taken something away from when I was with them.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes we don't feel like that glittery, broken bowl masterpiece everyone else is showing off. Sometimes we feel like the dust in that jar. But guess what? Even that has purpose. Even you, in your most broken moments, can still grow something beautiful, and it starts with surrounding yourself with the right people, the right energy and the right mindset. You know, like the plus one theory, your plus one might be reaching out instead of isolating yourself. Your plus one might be reaching out instead of isolating yourself. It might be journaling instead of spiraling, and it might be smiling at yourself in the mirror instead of picking yourself apart. Whatever it is, it's a step, a seed, a beginning.

Speaker 1:

Okay, do you ever feel like you're spinning your wheels? Have you heard that saying before? It's where you're doing all the things, trying all the strategies, reading all the books and checking every box, and then you realize none of it worked the way you thought it would. Well, me too, and, let's be honest, it's frustrating. You think I wasted all that time. I should have known better. But here's the truth. Sometimes, the long way around is the only way we really understand the lesson. You didn't fail, you learned, you gained awareness, you got clarity and, most of all, you now know what doesn't work for you. You now know what doesn't work for you. That's powerful, powerful information. So instead of beating yourself up, reframe it. I didn't waste time. I invested it in wisdom.

Speaker 1:

I can give you an example. I'm not sure if I've talked about this before, but when I was in my 20s, I guess, I had the worst teeth. They were crooked and I couldn't even chew well because they wouldn't go together Right. So I knew I needed to go and get some dental work done, but I just didn't have the money and or the resources to get the money to do it. I tried lots of ways to find, you know work extra for the money, but it just was never enough. It was expensive, and so I I enrolled in this school for dental assisting. I got a grant so that I could go, and I became a certified dental assistant, went to work for a dentist office, and guess what? Most dental offices not all of them will either give you a discount or do the work for free. They're like a walking billboard for them. So of course they want your teeth to be as nice as possible, and I knew this. I knew it. So I I've got the certification, went to work for dentists for many years. I loved the work, but I figured out how to get that work done. And so my teeth were fixed and I could chew like everyone else and my teeth look good. I was so happy that I did that To this day. I'm so happy I did it because I raised both of my kids, telling them that they only floss the teeth they want to keep their dental hygiene.

Speaker 1:

You know was driven in hard, but I want to wrap this up today with a shift in our perspective. Every single one of us has a limited amount of energy each day, and if you're like me, you've wasted more than a few days pouring it into the wrong places, trying to be understood by the wrong people, trying to fix situations you didn't break, or trying to force your purpose into spaces that weren't made for it. But what if you redirected that energy? What if, instead of chasing approval, you focused on purpose? What if, instead of reacting to rejection, you respond with curiosity, boundaries and self-respect? That's the plus one theory in action. It's not about working harder. It's about living smarter, choosing the next right step with kindness, with grace, with heart.

Speaker 1:

Here's what I know. Not everyone will get your goals, your growth, your journey, and that's okay. They're not supposed to. But your people, they're out there, the ones who are also walking the long road, figuring it out day by day, and that's why I'm writing the plus one theory to gather those stories. I've already met some amazing people and I can't wait for you to read how they used pain for purpose and grew into something stronger, wiser and more compassionate. If you have a story like that, where a small step, a tiny choice, a plus one moment helps shift something big, I'd love to hear it. You can submit your story through my website, pamdwyercom, and just go to the contact page and fill that out and we'll honor your story, whether it's published with your name or anonymously. Until next time, let's stop spinning, let's stop explaining and let's start growing, and whatever you do, always add a little more.