When Doing More Stops Moving You Forward with Dorota Wasik

What if the problem isn’t that you aren’t trying hard enough, but that you’ve spent years trying to solve stress by doing more?

Dorota Wasik is the founder of Boss Up Your Life and creator of the Regulated Success Method. Alongside her coaching work, she continues to serve in a senior leadership position at a Big Four professional services firm while raising two daughters.

Her life remains busy, but busy no longer has to mean chronically stressed.

Dorota joins Pam to explain why productivity tools, better organization and another new habit cannot create sustainable change while the nervous system remains in survival mode. She shares how achievement became connected to her identity, why successful women can feel unsafe slowing down, and how small, intentional pauses changed her relationship with leadership, motherhood, stress and emotional eating.

Pam and Dorota also explore how stress is shaped by the meaning we attach to an event. A friend who does not acknowledge us, an unopened email or a child’s morning meltdown can activate an old internal story before we consciously understand what is happening.

That creates an automatic loop:

Situation → Meaning → Emotion → Action

The pause places a wedge inside that loop. It gives us enough room to notice what is happening, question the meaning we assigned and choose how we want to respond.

You’ll hear:

• Why ambitious women often manage stress by adding more
• How achievement becomes attached to identity and self-worth
• What an unregulated nervous system looks like in everyday life
• Why new habits struggle to stick under chronic stress
• The connection between stress, autopilot and emotional eating
• How micro-pauses support better decisions and stronger leadership
• Why calm leadership does not require lowering your ambition
• What Dorota’s daughter taught her about regulating her own response
• Why accountability can help awareness become sustainable change
• How to begin returning to the person beneath the pressure and expectations

This episode is part of Week 3: BUILDING MOMENTUM of Delay the Binge™: The Journey.

One choice becomes another.

WATCH OR LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE
[ADD DOROTA’S GENIUS LINK]

EXPLORE THE COMPLETE JOURNEY
https://tpkkconcepts.com/delay-the-binge-the-journey/ 

BOOK A FREE, CONFIDENTIAL CONSULTATION WITH DOROTA

If this conversation left you thinking, “She is talking about me,” Dorota offers a free, confidential consultation to explore what you are experiencing and whether her eight-week Regulated Success Method coaching program may be the right fit.

Dorota works with a limited number of private clients each month. The consultation gives you an opportunity to ask questions and explore what support could look like without pressure to commit.

Book your free consultation:
https://regulatedsuccessmethod.com/book-a-call

Dorota also offers free introductory workshops. Follow her on LinkedIn for information about upcoming opportunities.

CONNECT WITH DOROTA WASIK

Book a free consultation:
https://regulatedsuccessmethod.com/book-a-call

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dorota-wasik-60b64350/

CONNECT WITH PAM DWYER

Website: https://pamdwyer.com
Delay the Binge™: https://delaythebinge.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@PamDwyerSpeaker
PJ Hamilton’s Front Porch: https://pjhamiltonauthor.substack.com/
Behind the Mic newsletter: https://newsletter.delaythebinge.com

Your past does not define you; it prepares you.

Pause. Choose. Build momentum. Finish stronger.

This conversation is intended to encourage, educate and invite reflection. It is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, legal or financial advice. Please seek qualified guidance for your individual circumstances.

Transcript

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Welcome And The Core Idea

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to another episode of Delay the Binge, the podcast about the pause before the behavior when life gets hard. I'm your host, Pam Dwyer, best-selling author, keynote speaker, and creator of the Delay the Binge Framework, where we explore how small moments of awareness become lasting transformation. Today's guest believes something that immediately caught my attention. The problem isn't that successful women aren't trying hard enough. It's that many of us have spent years trying to solve stress by doing more. My guest is Dorada Wasick, founder of Boss Up Your Life and creator of the Regulated Success Method. While continuing to serve in a senior leadership role at Big Four Professional Services Firm, Dorata helps ambitious women understand the root cause of chronic stress, not just manage the symptoms, drawing on psychology, neuroscience, mindfulness, and her own lived experience. She helps women create success that actually feels sustainable. My favoriteest thing. Dorada, welcome to Delay the Bench.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

Thank you so much, Bump, for having me. And thank you for a beautiful introduction. I just know you're like, I forgot I did all that. Is it all about me? Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yes, it is all about you. We're gonna honor you today with this little interview.

Joy In Small Everyday Moments

SPEAKER_00 1:38

So before we dive in, though, into today's conversation, I always like to find out what's what's bringing you joy these days outside of your work.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

Oh, I have to say very little, small moments. Um, I'm all about, I'm very lucky that I have a wonderful family. Uh, I'm very lucky that I have two girls that give me the hugs every five minutes, sometimes like that. But those little things. I'm very lucky I live in Scotland by the beach. I've got 10 minutes down to walk and put my feet in the water. Uh I love scroll, you know, strolling along the beach, especially when we have amazing summer, which is very unusual for Scotland, but I couldn't ask for more. So yeah, I'm not big on big things. I'm quite happy with you know little spawn moments and you know, just enjoying the weather, the sunshine. And now we're into the summer, which I'm looking forward to. I'm gonna go to Poland for a month and enjoy time with my family, friends, walks with my mom. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

I love that. And I love to hear the small moments because they do matter. It's what helps us know who we are and and gives us such happiness. I'm so happy to hear that. Now,

Scotland Favorites And Summer Plans

SPEAKER_00 2:58

since you're joining us from Scotland, which I think is the coolest thing ever, if I came to visit you this weekend, what's a place or an experience you'd tell me I couldn't miss?

SPEAKER_03 3:11

I don't think I'll be able to give you one thing. Like Scotland is just, yeah, you if you come to Scotland, you you probably need to come here for at least two weeks.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Yeah, because there is a lot of beautiful places. And if you love nature, you know, like Scotland is quite a vast area. And you, you know, from Edinburgh, an amazing festival over the summer. Uh French festival is the one that, you know, everyone from US is coming. You've we've got international, you know, like the Edinburgh is heaven in the summer, but it's like the festival is amazing. Um, two beautiful places up north, you know, the highlands, the lakes, the isles, different isles. Um, Isle of Sky is, you know, one of the most beautiful places in like, yeah. Scottish beaches are you know topping the charts of the like you know, top world beaches in the world. So wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Well, it's definitely on my bucket list. I'm gonna make it over there eventually.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

But obviously, anyone, anyone who plays golf, there is a golf course every two miles.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

I have a friend that plays golf and she just goes on and on. She's actually been to Scotland and played golf, and she's just like, there's nothing like it.

Busy Does Not Have To Mean Stress

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So well, you balance a senior leadership role, your coaching practice, and motherhood.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

What's a uh just a typical day look like for you? Is it just hectic busy, or is it just like you said, small moments, just taking it as it comes?

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Um so it is busy. Um being in a full-time job in the corporate world. You know, it's they like they like every day. You start with days, you know, calendar full of meetings, tons of emails and chat messages waiting for you every single day and happening, you know, all day long. Um then I've got my business, you go to something I do outside of work. So that's something I need to carve out time in the evenings. In between, obviously looking after, you know, it's just me and my husband. We don't have any some family support because we live away from the family. So yeah, uh dealing with our 7 and 11-year-old girls, uh shuffling them around. So yes, my day is busy, but I think what has changed for me is that busy doesn't mean stressful.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Ah, yes, I've read that, and we're definitely gonna go there.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Oh, yes, the important thing is being organized, being efficient, being able to focus on what matters and and do things that move you in the the the direction, the long-term direction. Because it's easy just to try to do the next thing, and that next thing it's not necessarily actually taking it in the right direction or you know, is doing good, you know, anything good. But I think the issues that many people have is that they don't really understand what matters and what doesn't matter. They treat everything as important.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yes, trying to do 120% on all of it.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

All of it, yes, and absolutely. I'm far away from being perfectionists. And I've shared a lot of guilt over the years as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Well, I hate to say it, but I can relate so well. And I think a lot of women can understand what you're talking about because okay, as a coach, you're still living in the same environment that your clients describe to you every day.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Yeah, and it's really important for me to be for us.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

It is very important. Has can continuing to work inside that environment does it shape the way you coach?

SPEAKER_03 6:59

It definitely shapes the way I coach because I can relate. I haven't removed myself from the environment because at the moment I can, you know, like my coaching, you know, works with the full-time job, so I can do it. But I, you know, I'm keen to be around in that environment for as long as I can because then I can feel the pulse. I understand what people can, you know, struggling with. I understand what they've gone through because I live in the same environment. I understand the struggles. So I think it's really important as a coach that you can relate to people that you talk to.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

Oh my gosh, you can educate yourself all day long, but lived experience, that's the best teacher in the world.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

Absolutely all the books, but you know, but it's fantastic. But if you can't relate to someone, it's really difficult.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Mm-hmm. Because you can't possibly understand, and then how do you help them?

unknown 7:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

You can't relate.

SPEAKER_03 8:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Yeah. I

How Ambition Gets Wired Early

SPEAKER_00 8:03

loved this one sentence on your website, and it said, uh, I tried to manage stress by doing more. And you said that briefly earlier. Why is it? That's where many ambitious women begin. Why are women so driven? I don't think I've ever met a woman that is not in one way or another.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

That's a really good question. Uh it's probably, you know, as some it's a big topic on its own, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

But um if I try to describe it in you know a few sentences or give my version, you know, what I've been there is a lot of I've spent a lot of time thinking about it because that's exactly where I was. So trying to understand what has been driving me for a very, very long time. And then how what do I do with it? How do I change? But I think it comes from, so for me, if I take myself back to childhood, I was someone I was very um like open child. I was very much, you know, I would love I love to perform. So I've never been a shy person. But equally, I think I was also raised in an environment that had a lot of strong women that were thriving and having businesses and you know, and quite strong characters. Um and my grandma was, you know, it's a big always been a very big one of the biggest role models for me. Um but her her way of you know, her career looked like she was a charter accountant like me, but she was never home. Like my granddad used to get really annoyed with her, you know, and she she he had no idea when she's gonna come home. She said she'll be for five, but she was home for 10. But back in the days there was no like, you know, cell phones. So if she was somewhere in transit or busy, you know, in the office dealing with something, she could she couldn't call home. So I grew up in that environment that success meant being constantly on the move. She was always on the move, she was an amazing woman. But that taught me that to be successful, you have to be like her. And it worked, you know, because she was that kind of post-war, you know, generation that was trying to, you know, get better and get something, you know, build the wealth and things like that. And and it was a valid behavior and something that was important to do in that, you know, for that generation.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Um, but then so yeah, so then as a child, I was always complimented and tap at the back for being the one that, you know, speaks out, that talks, you know, that performs, that thrives, and you know, that slowly moly, you know, has built up and shaped the way I thought that if I do more, I get a patter back that I'm worth something. You know, I'm capable. Then I went to school and I was, you know, I was good at school. Well done, you can do more anymore, anymore. Then I left to come to Scotland. I was working full-time and studying full-time. And I never thought twice that this is too much. I just thought, you know, because I can do it, I'm just gonna do more and I do more. Then I became, you know, then I had a job, then I had children, and again, I was like, I can handle it all because I'm invincible, I'm a superwoman, and I've always been praised for these things. So it's like, you know, it's like little curving do you do, you know, you you're being boiled almost like a frog, right? And and you do it then to yourself. You you know, when you're letl, you know, you build that. Like the this the society and the family, you know, unconsciously, right? They all the brain. The brain is thinking it's a safe place. That's what the brain is learning. Absolutely. It's a safe place, it's a familiar place, you get praised for it, so you feel good, so you want to do more of it. So unconsciously, you just grew up in it, and and then you go to work, and then all the other environments are just reinforcing the same message. So this is why when we, you know, when we grown up women, the problem is that because we are in such a go go go mode all the time, that we never get a chance to stop and say, Does that serving us anymore? I had a conversation this morning with someone and and and she said to me, Oh my god, like I'm completely burned out, but I have not seen it, I haven't seen it coming. I was like, Yes, you have not seen it coming because you were like this little frog in the pot. Slowly, you know, turning the heat on, the heat on, to the point that you just can't hold it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

And I and you know, while not everyone likes the frog, but but that's that that's it, right? Yeah, and it's and it's not judgmental, it's not criticizing anyone, neither do our families, you know, how we grew up is because everyone is trying our best, and every single parent is trying to, you know, like be the best parents and make sure that we shape to the best individuals. And then, but it's it's just the reality, right? Yeah, and it's only now when conversations like this become public and and mainstream, right? These conversations have not been in the mainstreams, you know, a few years ago. These things were known to psychologists, you know, maybe in the therapy room, but not necessarily, you know, something that's been quite widely available for people to then start thinking and and stopping and asking yourself, how many years can I live like this? And at what cost?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Mm-hmm. Well, because eventually the body takes over. It will start taking a physical toll. And I really believe that's why most of us are all just sick. So many women are saying the doctor will tell you, your labs look great, Pam. You're fine. And I always ask, why am I so tired? All the time I'm so tired. And they never have an answer for me. But now we're sharing with as many people that will listen why we are so tired. And this is this is the reason.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

I wonder

When Achievement Becomes Identity

SPEAKER_00 14:07

if part of what makes this so difficult is that achievement uh being thriving and being the best, it quietly becomes part of our identity. It's who we think we are. If we've spent decades believing our value came from producing, right? Achieving, fixing, taking care of everyone else. Who are we then when we stop? I believe I see it in my clients all the time. I think they're afraid. They're not going to know who they are if they stop these things that are not serving them. Do you think that's why slowing down feels so uncomfortable for so many?

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Absolutely. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more with what you just said. That's exactly been my journey. Um back in the days, even if I take myself two years ago.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

If I I it used to be a running joke, or I used to say, you know, like if it was messy in a living room a living room, I would say, well, I haven't been in the living room for like two weeks. I would not sit on the couch because it just felt counterproductive. Why would I sit on a couch? Like if I could do something. I could clean, I could reshuffle, if I'm not working, you know, there is always something you could do. Yeah, yeah. Um and absolutely, it's we have attached our value in who we are to the output we produce. And if there is no output, we feel empty. Who am I if I'm not doing something constantly? And it's and it's it's really, really, really difficult. And you have to be really honest with yourself when you go through that, you know, that self-work and and that identification and realizing that. And and it is a huge transformation to then realize, you know, to be fine with just who you are without attaching any labels.

unknown 16:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

Uh not and not saying that, you know, in order for you to be someone and be good enough and be appreciated by others, you need to get the feedback, you need to get the pat at the back. You have to tell be told by someone else that you are that you are good, because you can't think of yourself that you are good enough until you get that validation from externally someone externally.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

Exactly. That's just been drilled into our heads, and many of us are afraid we won't recognize ourselves without all the striving, without the working.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

I don't think some many women don't even know who they are.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

They don't. Yes. You are right. Uh I see it more and more.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

The the one exercise that I do in my workshop is I'll ask women to think about five top values that g they g you know they they are kind of the guiding stars of how they how they live. And often then I ask a question now if you could pick up five values when no one is looking, nobody's judging, nobody's telling you anything, you will not get any criticism or any comment if you are absolutely free to choose what are your true values, how many of those values are the same values as as on the first list? Because often a lot of the values that drive our behaviors are the values that have been borrowed or in edited.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Gosh, that's profound. And I love that you've given a little exercise for us to try, because a lot of people are talking about this issue, but going no further. If I understand something, I'm like, okay, that makes sense, and I think that I am doing this thing that's not serving me, but now what do I do? That's what's so beautiful about a coach that you can take them through step by step. Uh,

What A Stuck Stress Response Looks Like

SPEAKER_00 18:14

I noticed you wrote on the outside everything worked. On the inside, you talked about your nervous system it never shutting off. When your nervous system doesn't shut off, what does that actually look like in everyday life?

SPEAKER_03 18:29

For me and for the women I coach and I talk to, you know, there are many of my friends, and I have to say that has no borders. There are same, you know, my friends from school in Poland, whether it's primary high school, or my friend from work in Scotland or whatever else, we all have, you know, similar things. When your nervous system doesn't shut down or you can regulate it to come, because there will be, there will always be moments, right? So healthy state should be, you know, something happens, but then you have the ability to regulate and calm down. And something happens and you're able to notice and regulate. But if we are constantly at this peak, you know, in the in the fight or flight mode, when our nervous system is in that stress response, you constantly feel brace. Right? You before you wake up, you wake up in the morning and you're already feeling tense.

unknown 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

And and that tension, the impact of that tension and that stress, being in that permanent permanent stress mode, has a profound impact, which I don't think many people realize what it does to them on a day-to-day basis. It's from the morning you get downstairs and see your kids, how rushed you are, you know, how quickly you push them through the door, and how and like irritated you get really quickly if they don't tell them, you know, quickly move, move, and they don't follow the command. And I had the same with my seven-year-old who loves to throw a good tantrum in the morning, um, two minutes before we have to get through the door, to then how you show up at work and how you already check in the emails and how you respond to people at work, how you show up in the meetings, how you think about, you know, when you are in the leadership role, you have to you give strategic direction. And your your vision is like it's you the thinking is narrow when you're stressed. It impacts you, your performance, your team because your team feels the energy of you. They don't they say they don't follow what you say, they follow who you are and and you state. So if you are tense and stressed and rushed, your team will be exactly the same. And then you'll feel the outcomes of it. And then you come back home. And you have present in the at the dinner table, or not even there, because you're checking your emails and already bracing yourself for all the things you have tomorrow. You're rushing through the bedtime, you know, if you have children, or you you're snapping at your partner because you just had enough, because you had to be at best behavior. But I like to compare that stage the same way as if anyone has children, how your child has to go to school, and especially you have those free-willed children, you know, that wild wild, you know, wild child that have to go to school and be on the best behavior all day. And then come home. And because they can be themselves, they just go, you know, crazy, crazy. And and and we do that too, because we have to be on behavior, yeah, we're already stressed, but we have to be on best behavior at work. When we come home, actually our loved one gets probably the worst of us. Because this is where we say, Oh, I just had enough. Like I can be now myself, and it obviously gets, you know, it takes the tool in our relationship. Uh but you know that's that's like an iceberg, right? You and I know. Like I had IBS all my life, and I was told it's just something you do with, you know. Like an anyone get labeled IBS if you have something wrong with, you know, like when you get pain, stomach, you know, pain or eight for last two years.

unknown 22:21

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_03 22:23

Um so it comes back to the health, you know, health issues. Yes. Yeah. So I think for me, ability to manage the state and to bring yourself down to it, it's like foundation for everything. Because the other thing which I think people realize, and it's going back to to the point we've discussed earlier about doing more to manage the stress. So picking up another habit, another another tool, you know, leadership tool, being better organized. So you add to, you know, you add to your the work, or try to try to sort out or get rid of the stress by being more productive, using another efficiency tool, etc., etc. But for me, and I've tried it, and there is a lot of science, obviously, evidence behind it, is that none of those habits will stick if you are in permanent level of stress. Because you will always go back to your old patterns when you're under stress. You have no ability to even try to build the habit, which takes time to do.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Because in any moment when you have elevated stress, you just get to go back to the survival mode and you're just trying to survive, right? Right. So you're not open to building anything and trying to change anything. Because in order to change something and build a new habit and try to, you know, like you need the space. So you need to be in a calm and relaxed state to be able to be aware. Because when you build a habit, you have to be aware and catch yourself in the moments that you're slipping off that habit. Whether it's you you go trying to, you know, like this is why New Year's resolution don't work.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

I I am going to take a clip, that clip of what you just talked about, and save it for all my podcasts because we talk about something called quiet depletion. It's hidden patterns that slowly drain us before we even realize anything is wrong. And you just described it perfectly because they say it that quiet depletion affects over 70% of women. And that's why they turn to unhealthy behaviors because just like the anger you were talking about when we snap at our children or our spouses, it's the brain is so exhausted it's looking for a dopamine hit.

unknown 24:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

And arguing, getting angry creates dopamine. It is a physical response to the exhaustion. Why do intelligent, capable women wait until they're exhausted before believing they deserve help or even thinking they need help, they just ignore it. Is that what you see too?

SPEAKER_03 25:15

I do. And I've been one of them.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

And I think it's because we think we are invincible. I think we've been taught that, right? And the society kind of, you know, has helped us to convince ourselves that we can deal with everything by ourselves. We don't really need help. Like we can do it all. Like we are super women, right? If we can handle children, we can get to the top, we can we can be everything for everyone, why can't we? We we are fine. But equally, I think unhelpfully, we are reinforcing those messages between ourselves because you talk to other women and they say, Oh, I'm also tired. I'm dying. Yeah. It's a norm. It's fine. Everyone is like this. If everyone is like this, like how am I supposed to change? It's just part of, you know, it's just part of life.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Yes, there's a famous saying in my family, we always say, It is what it is. Yes. I always challenge that. I said, no, it doesn't have to be like that. There are ways to slowly create new patterns. It can't be done all at once. You can't undo a lifetime of uh behaviors that your brain has learned and keeps you safe. It it takes slow intentional steps.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

Uh yeah, the the other thing I think it's really important to say that also successful women think that they can't stop. Because if they stop, that means that people will notice that they are not constantly doing something and they may lose the position.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

Status. Yes. That or or they don't ask for help because they don't think anybody can do it right. They can't do it the way they would do it. So they just do it. I've heard so many women say that. They're like, well no, we can't rely on help because they never get it done right in the way that I need it done.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

Oh yes. Oh yes. Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Absolutely. One

Stress Is Meaning Not Time

SPEAKER_00 27:33

thing I appreciate about your work is that you challenge the obvious answers. You say stress isn't really a time management problem. So if it's not about time, what do you think it's really about?

SPEAKER_03 27:50

Oh, this is what I get into my favorite subject. Um it's stress does not happen because of situation we we we get experience. Yeah. It's really important, and I think it's really it's really important to understand that any stress that arises in our body is our response. Because at the end of the day, it's the meaning, the stress is created, or any emotions that is created at the back of a situation that we or experience that we have is created by the meaning that we have attached to the situation. So in a simple way is something has happened in the past, you know, so we experience life through our past experience. So if there were any situations that have we experienced in the past that something was, you know, had a negative effect on us, we'll just take the same experience and apply it to any other situations we have. So it's it's our tra um our interpretation of reality and our internal narrative about the situation that's actually causing us all the stress. Because I've done the experiments when I when I did my meditation and mindfulness teacher accreditations, we had those exercises that you've been giving a situation, and it was a situation as your friend is walking along on the other side of the road, and you wave to that friend, and she kind of briefly, you know, raises her head, like her head up, briefly looks at you and just walks away. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Well, I would think, what did I do?

SPEAKER_03 29:41

Exactly. Every single person in the 15, you know, amongst the 15 people we had in the group had a different different response. So it's not the situation itself, it's you doing it through your own lens. Because you may have some you know insecurities about yourself. You you immediately trying to blame yourself for a situation, right? Right. But there were there were people that responded, oh, what's wrong with her? She that's her not normal behavior. So there are people who are worried about that person rather than looking inside themselves. And there were a variety of different but but the conclusion is same with the email, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:21

There'll be times when there are emails coming, and before you even open the email, you have no idea what's in that email. But before that even happened, you already have an allergic reaction to it. And it's nothing to do with actually what's in the email. Because the email can say, I would love to for you to come with me to lunch. So you have no idea, but you're already bracing. Ah, I see. Yeah. So we go on the stress loop every single day, or on in that loop that there is a situation, you attach a meaning, which then creates the emotion, and then you take an action based on that emotion. And that loop happens before your brain even like consciously start thinking and analyzing what's happening. So you go through that loop, and this is what I we call autopilot, right? We leave 80% on autopilot. And we get stressed without even realizing we're getting stressed, and we never pause to try to challenge ourselves. Why do we actually get stressed about something? And I and for me, that was an absolute light bulb moment and like think one single thing that completely changed how I experience anything like on a day-to-day basis. Because I've used that loop to challenge myself, and because I'm I'm in tune on in with my body, and I can quickly spot the feeling of stress or anxiety or frustrations building up, I can quickly like you know nip it in the butt and say, What's going on? Like, why am I getting stressed? Somebody said something. Why am I getting stressed? And it makes all the difference in the world. And it's really important to add that the first response is never really the response. Like it's never a true reason why you get stressed. Because often the first response, if we ask ourselves why am I getting stressed, will point to the external world. If you sit down with yourself and ask maybe five times why really you get to the point that there is something here inside that is driving the stress. It's always come back to ourselves, whether it's our belief, belief about who we are, usually. What what's driving our behavior, the the or the limiting belief we have about ourselves, whether it's we're worth we're worthy or not worthy enough.

unknown 32:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:57

Um that's driving that situation. And sometimes people don't want to do this work because it's difficult. Point insight. Because it's easy to just point out sight and say, oh, it's it's the amount of emails or to-do lists, you know, or to do things, or somebody says something hurtful to me and I'm getting stressed or really upset. But it's usually something in sight.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

It is, and we just take ownership of other people's emotions when there is a pain or something like that going on inside of us. We will absorb it instead of reflect it back because it's not our emotions to own. We are own. We know how we feel, we can control how we feel, but we forget that we cannot control what other people do or say.

The Pause That Breaks Autopilot

SPEAKER_00 33:46

But then you're saying we talk a lot about it on this show about the pause before how pausing before the behavior is the best thing you can do when life gets hard. And whether it's emotional eating, people pleasing is a big one, anger, overworking, or just shutting down. There's always that moment before the reaction. And that's why it's so important. And there's so many scientific reasons too. I'm so obsessed with the neuroscience of everything, but how it operates and how to understand what's happening, the pause, like you said, it opens up a moment for you to understand what's really going on.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Yeah. It's like a wedge in the door, right? Into the broaden your awareness. Because until you have that moment to ask that question, you have no ability to change anything. You'll keep just going on the loop over and over until you break.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Yeah. In one way or another, yes. One way or the other. Yeah, absolutely. I love how you talk about the nervous system regulation. Do you think that the pause makes it possible to regulate that nervous system?

SPEAKER_03 35:02

I think it's fundamental to it.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

So I use, I do it every day.

Micro Pauses For Real Regulation

SPEAKER_03 35:09

And when you mention emotional eating, I was like nodding because I can see if I don't take enough pauses in the day, if I don't spend enough time with myself meditating or doing some breath work during the, you know, whatever time in the day, I can see next day by the evening, I'm looking for something to crunch on. And I like crunchy stuff in the evening because I think that releases the tension from my jaws and it gives me a bit of that, you know, um stress, you know, like releasing the stress from my body when I snack in the evening. Um so yes, uh, I think fundamentally like micro pauses. Like you don't have to sit for hours. But starting with micro, you know, 30 seconds to a minute pause. Because that that's more powerful than we think. I think we we love a really complicated solution to problems. But I think the more simpler, the more powerful things are. Like I started my whole journey by doing 10 minutes meditation for 21 days, and the shift I've seen in myself was quite profound. But what I do is like in between meetings, I take just three long breaths, like just to ground myself. Yes. And I can see a shift in then the way I bring myself to a meeting. Like my the way my brain works, the the the way I'm able to zoom in and zoom out, like the focus I get, the the listening, you know, and and how I retain and how I can quickly actually analyze things. So I'm a risk management professional by background. So I do a lot of, you know, I do talk about a lot of, you know, we we take make a lot of risk decisions.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 36:59

Science says you can make a good risk decision if you are stressed. You actually, so uh but if you are manage to able to you to actually pause and bring yourself to calm, yeah, you make quicker decisions, but they are more because you make them from the awareness state, they are much better risk decision. And you should take more risks, actually, funny enough, when you are calm, because you are not in that flight and fight mode, whether when you actually in stress mode, you avoid taking risks. So, as a business person, when you work in the business, you need to take risks, right? Yeah, you have to grow. So, so so you know, so those little micro poses are actually really excellent leadership tools for people to take those poses and moments of you know, to bring themselves to the car like to the come state in between really important board meetings, you know, any big decisions that uh needed to be made.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Exactly. And the autopilot you mentioned earlier is so common in the workplace. People are just on autopilot. And I will share with you, I haven't shared with too many people, but before every interview I do on my podcast, I take my shoes off and I walk outside in the backyard on the grass and I just breathe. I'm doing my breathing exercises, and it's not because I'm nervous, it just makes me sharper, it makes me be a better host for you, the guest, so I can honor your work better. And that's all I really want to do.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

Yeah, up. I love it. I love it. I jump in the trampoline first thing in the morning. Oh, you do? That's fun! I also walk, uh also walk bare feet. And yesterday, in between meeting, I literally ran outside and just I just lied on the ground like this. And wake up at the sky. Look out at the sky. It was a beautiful day as well. Uh, you don't get many of those days in Scotland, so it's just oh. But but yes, those those little moments, you know, and not everyone has luxury to run outside, you know, in between meetings to put your feet. But but just closing your eyes and just doing some breaths, you know, putting some music on, like classical music does wonders or any, you know, meditation music, and just just quiet your you know, just watch your thoughts for a few minutes.

SPEAKER_00 39:24

Yes. And thank you so much for sharing with us your struggle, the food being an issue. We out of all the reasons people binge, I mean, and there's so many, it's not just food, yeah, though it is a big one. And people are on autopilot don't even realize they've consumed an entire bag of chips. Yeah, yeah. So, and we always say buy the big bag of chips, but put them in small Ziploc bags, but there's the small steps you were talking about because they eat that, they're not hungry. No, their body just wants relief.

Emotional Eating And Evening Relief

SPEAKER_00 40:00

So looking back, food was your unhealthy behavior then at one time?

SPEAKER_03 40:07

When it was yeah, for a very long time. Um, I I would be fine, but I think it happens to many of us. We talk about, you know, the willpower is you know, is really low by the evening. It's not the willpower, it's just we are so tired and so stressed. And these things, you know, whether it's scrolling on the phone or you know, or having those crisps at 10 o'clock at night with a glass of wine, it's just like it's almost like it gives you like this relief, right? You feel like the tensions leaving in your body. Or you you almost have this compulsive eating, right? I some I had those moments on of compulsing it, like, and I wouldn't even enjoy the eating. It's just the motion of crunching on something gave me gave me that release. But as I said, like it took, you know, I'm not gonna lie, it's not like a miracle overnight. No, it took me a while. But I can now confidently say that my I do my I'm very religious about my evening breathing. Those micro pauses, I don't always have time for meditation because sometimes, like today, I forgot to put my alarm clock on and we were running, you know, we were just on time for school. So I don't have luxury to do it in the morning. But I do, I'm very intentional through the day to have those micro pauses. Instead of reaching on the for a phone to scroll or you know, try to give me that, you know, escape from work for for in between the meetings, which many of us have, uh I'm sure. But that that evening ritual, because yes, I'm gonna go to bed 10 minutes late, and I mean about 10 minutes, not more, 10-15 minutes of breathing, right? Right. But the benefits of that 10 minutes of breathing meditation every night is like hundredfolds. And I've genuinely seen, like, I actually question myself because it was such a habit, like such like behavior for such a long time. Then when I actually came to the one evening and I was like, I actually don't feel like snacking or anything, I've questioned, like, oh, maybe I'll try. You know, it's like you're almost like trying to force yourself to do something which you don't even fancy doing anymore. But because you've always been doing it for so long, you just feel like you you ought to do that. Like you should, you know, I should have because this is what I do when I check my emails, like once when girls go to bed. Right? I, you know, I sit on my laptop, do something, and and uh, and I snack, and yes, because I do something else, it's just like I don't know how much I've eaten by by the end of the evening. But I just genuinely felt like and I've challenged myself. I like stood, you know, in the kitchen floor and I was like, oh, I actually feel like I don't fancy it. Like I don't fancy it anymore. So it's like, but if I miss one or two days, the feeling comes back.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

So it's not something that you can, you know, you can stop and just forget about all the good things you are doing. You need to do it. It's like wash brushing your teeth at night.

unknown 43:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

Exactly.

Consistency Through Coaching And Kindness

SPEAKER_00 43:12

We have to brush our teeth. Awareness is a beautiful, beautiful thing. But first you gotta get curious because a lot of people don't even know that these are causing the issue, their behaviors, and they don't realize that they're on autopilot. And awareness isn't the finish line. You can read a a great book, you listen to, like you said, a podcast or attend a workshop, even. And then Monday morning comes, the inbox is full, the child's melting down, the meeting is over, life gets hard again. So, how do you help someone move from understanding to actually living this every day, maintaining their progress?

SPEAKER_03 44:00

I think one thing is to be said is that we are all on our different paths and at different stages of the journey.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:09

And not everyone is ready. Right? And you can't force people to do something when they're just not ready, right? So you have to, you know, you I think for everyone, there comes the time when you realize and it will be a different time in their life. And that they're actually ready to put some work. Right? No one will commit commit and then sustain that commitment.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

And be consistent. And I think it's really important to say that this is where having a coach is quite key. Because I don't know about our this, you know, our listeners and about you, Pam, but when it comes to consistency, I need someone to keep nagging at me. Because doing and I, you know, and I this work I did myself, but it took me a long time. If I had someone to coach me and have be have some accountability. Yeah. And a deadline, they'll have to come and speak to someone every week to say, what have I done? You know, we in you know, high achieving will have a good deadline. We'll have accountability. So having a coach or having someone that one will cheer you up, like cheer you on, you know, clap, you know, uh blow, you know, in your wings for you, you know, to help you, but equally relate and listen to your struggles is really important.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

Yeah. Yeah. I love that so much because I think transformation rarely happens in one conversation. Sometimes one person, a coach, helps us understand what's happening or why, and helps us also build new skills. And sometimes we simply need someone that walks beside us while we practice responding differently until it becomes a new normal. Transformation is a process and it takes time.

SPEAKER_03 46:18

Yeah, it takes time. And I think another important role of a coach is not everyone can ask themselves difficult questions. Or, you know, is where the coach can ask those questions. And equally, coach is almost like a mirror. Right where you sometimes you see yourself and you'll be able to realize something much quicker than if you having to go through it by yourself.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

Yeah. You don't have to be alone in it. You really don't.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

But yeah. But I think, yeah, as you said, the transformation requires time, requires commitment, dedication, honesty, and a lot of empathy and kindness, which I think we we talk about being kind to others, and oh my God, how unkind we are to ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Exactly. I always say kindness is like a superpower because it helps the giver and the receiver, but especially if you turn it in on yourself, be kind to yourself, people.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

Yeah, absolutely. So, yes. So, but I have to say to everyone that's listening and consider going on the journey, like you can be successful. I haven't changed anything. The only thing I did is actually add it to my life in terms of how much responsibilities I have. And I've never been calmer, and I still get stressed. But the way I can c how quickly I can come back from that stress moment, I can do it within minutes. Rather than, you know, spiraling and then thinking, overthinking, going to bed and still thinking about it and dreaming about it, and coming back and waking up with anxiety in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

And reacting. And yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It spans across all areas of life.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

It really does.

Parenting Tantrums With Calm Leadership

SPEAKER_00 48:19

I'm thinking about right now, one of my favorite stories that you've shared about mornings with your daughter. You realize she wasn't really the first one who needed to change. That had to be such a humbling realization. Can you talk about that?

SPEAKER_03 48:40

Yes. So I have to say that um, you know, my journey has been quite deep into also spirituality and and a lot of quite deep psychology and and working with inner child and a mirror, and I do believe actually, if I look at my daughters, they are my mirrors. They mirror different behaviors. So my seven-year-old, I keep saying it to everyone, my seven-year-old is everything I wished I was, but I couldn't. She is the loudest, the least apologetic. She says what she thinks. She couldn't care less. She's just being herself. And if she fancies shouting, she shouts and she says, Mommy, I love shouting, I can't stop. Because this is okay, increases her stress.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:28

But it doesn't to say that that you know, she is, you know, she brought me a lot of challenge, but she was my biggest coach. Like I haven't been given that much leadership training or mindfulness training and how I manage the daily stresses, you know, it's all due to her daily tantrums, two minutes before getting to school and me trying to get on the train to get to work.

unknown 49:52

Gosh.

SPEAKER_03 49:53

And she would get scream about like pants being not right, the socks being too small, the socks being too big. But what I realized is if I get into stress and I start rushing her, I'm just adding to that fire, like the you know, it's getting out of control. And one thing I've realized, and I think it's, you know, any parents listening to this, I would really challenge you to try that. If you have that situation with child, or actually, you know, it could apply it to any situation really. But I was in that situation. Two men stood into the door, she would put a shoe on, and it would kick a tantrum because there was something in the shoe, and she was like, I'm not going anywhere. Situation happened. But I have a choice. I could get stressed, or I could just sit there and wait, what else is gonna happen? Because if I was to get stressed, that wouldn't change the situation, we're gonna be late anyway. So me having those emotions is not gonna change the outcome of that situation. But me getting stressed will then impact how then it will impact her because whether we like it or not, when we get stressed, it just goes, you know, it just translates to how our children behave. So it will make her even stress and get her spirally out of control. And then I'll go to work stuff, you know, really, you know, already in bad mood, already in, you know, like braced and stressed out of, you know, and and and it will impact, you know, at the rest of my day, right? Yeah. Or I can just breath and just sit on the, you know, sitting on the stairs, like, okay, well, what do we do then? Like just being stressed doesn't change the situation. Once I've realized that, is the opposite happened. Like when I actually just chill out, she she comes back down much quicker. And you know what? Often then we actually on time.

SPEAKER_00 52:05

Yes. You're I mean, if you freak out with her, it's just gonna grow, like you said, like a fire.

SPEAKER_03 52:10

It's it's gonna get away.

SPEAKER_00 52:12

Your calmness calmed her.

unknown 52:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:14

And that's what our kids need from us anyway.

SPEAKER_03 52:17

But but that's any situation. Like the situation happens, you having certain emotional reaction, and I know, you know, and it's something you need to try and try over and over. It's not something that you can learn in a day. But once you really understand that your stress response is not helping, is actually biting you at the backside. It's actually it's actually, you know, it's hurting you more than anyone else. Yes. And if you can get on on top of it and actually control it, bring it back down, like you actually, you know, things will happen. Like the situation's over, like the game is over.

unknown 52:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:59

Like some, you know. So the only person that's affected by you getting stressed is you, which means you get sick. You know, your reactions are work are, you know, you're snappy, you you hurt someone because then you're gonna say something then you regret in a conversation.

SPEAKER_00 53:17

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Nothing else.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Yes. And lateness seems to make a lot of people freak out and stressed. And it can on the road, if someone's running late, they're dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I've almost gotten into an accident because all I'm thinking about is getting there quickly. And it really doesn't help. You're gonna get there at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Exact exactly that. That's like that, that's what you know, that's like if we realize that like internal stress will not speed things up. Like you will still be stuck in that traffic. That train is still gonna be late.

SPEAKER_02 53:57

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 53:59

But how you show up to that first meeting that you may be late for is purely due to the state that you will be at. So if you arrive calm, you may be late, but you'll still make an impact in that meeting. But if you stress, it's not gonna go as well.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

I guess that's why my family mantra of it is what it is, can really help you mentally, you know, it gives you some clarity. It is what it is, what can I do about it?

SPEAKER_03 54:27

Yeah. And equally, you know, as um the letting go, right? Like you can control what you can control. But what you control, and it's what what's fundamental to your own happiness and the quality of your life, is your state. And often we try to control everyone else and everything outside, but we forget about what's most important, which is ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

Motherhood, it can teach you a lot about leadership, yes? It does. Patience and all that. You said something that I loved.

Ambition With A Calm Edge

SPEAKER_00 55:04

You don't ask women to become less ambitious, right? I think we're wired that way. I think many women hear conversations like this one and they immediately think, oh no, someone wants me to lower my standards. What is the difference between that comment and not asking women to become less ambitious? They don't have to change their drive, correct? In order to apply these things. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 55:36

The only thing I'm asking women is to pause.

unknown 55:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:41

Because that pause gives them the leadership advantage, actually. You know, when in the context of their career, well, I've seen leaders on both sides. I've seen leaders who are stressed out to their bones, and I've seen the calmest leader I've experienced, like the most wonderful leaders out there. And the difference is the state. The ones that are constantly stressed out are the ones that's like little rabbits in the grass. They don't see what's going on, they're just running in front of them. And as soon as they see a danger, they just maneuver in between. And it's like, and then the team follows, and you're just going God knows where. Right? Yeah, right. Or you have, you know, it's like an eagle, right? When you you are able to see the bigger perspective when you come, you understand what is your strategic priority, you guide your team in the right direction. You can zoom in and zoom out, you make the decisions that are grounded and not swayed by other people's opinions, behaviors. Like the difference, and with AI, where everything happens at the time, you know, hundred times quickly than ever before, because AI processing power is like unbelievable. The human advantage in business is actually to pause and tap into your the you know your capabilities. You can do critical thinking, you can do strategic thinking, you can be creative, you can be innovative when you are stressed, because simply those capabilities are not available to you. The only time you know, the only thing you have available at that moment is to survive. Because your body thinks it's in danger. So actually, if you want to be that leader that leads in the new, you know, like you need to be actually the come leader.

SPEAKER_00 57:48

You will be able to. That's you also say you don't ask women to become someone else. I actually wonder if it's less about becoming and more about returning to the person we've always been underneath the pressure, the expectations, and all the roles we've learned to play. How do you see that?

Authenticity As A Leadership Advantage

SPEAKER_03 58:10

It's a really, really interesting and really deep question. I think absolutely, I think authenticity or yeah, like being authentic, right? It's it's a bit of a buzzword. But I think I think when you are in that urgency state and in that constant, you know, pressure, doing, doing, doing, being busy, like you lose yourself in it. And I and actually, you know, so but being able to go back to yourself, who you truly are, and show your true self is your advantage. I actually see, like, even if I look back myself or any of the leaders I've worked with, more yourself you are, more you bring yourself back to work with all your flows, all your limitations, you're actually more relatable and people love working for you. Like people will go extra miles for those leaders because they are just human beings. Yes. And they stop pretending that everything and that this perfect picture, which is just a mask you put, you know, on yourself because you think is the right thing to do. Yeah. People can read between the lines. Like and people can feel it. So actually, you know, being the great, great leader is like being yourself, bringing yourself to work. I've I found a difference. Like, more I'm being myself, like whether it's sometimes silly, sometimes swearing, you know, I'm just like who I am. I stopped for a very long time because I'm not very British, because I'm Ur European, I'm quite direct. I used to be always told you're too direct, you're too abrupt. Like, yes, like, you know, so I had to adjust some of it because obviously it's a professional environment. But I am like, and people actually appreciate that. Like people say to me, I actually like talking to you, Dorothe, because I know exactly where I stand.

unknown 1:00:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

Right? So I stop trying to mold to something that I am not. And we're all unique individuals. And why do we have to become, you know, why do we have to put ourselves in the boxes to be like, you know, robots just on go, go, go, go, and and we're all the same. I think that's what makes, you know, the the life a bit more fun as well. You can bring yourself to work with with all of it. So I've never seen anyone who became to, you know, who wanted to be themselves and who really showed up with all the flows, had any disadvantage. I think that usually those people excel, yeah. And climb to the top. And have teams that love working for them. And I think that's really important. Because you can have a team in your team, but if they if they hate coming to work and they do what they do, but you don't, you know, you're unable to build the culture, the right culture in the firm.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:17

I love your entire method, your whole framework. And a lot of times when you apply it and you start making a difference, part of that journey uh is grieving, you'll start grieving the identity that no longer serves you. And I think many women aren't simply changing habits, they're letting go of the person they thought they had to be. So is it possible? I I was wondering what you thought about this. Is it possible to be incredibly successful, but completely disconnected from the person you thought you were? Do you think that it's possible to succeed and also be disconnected?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:03

Is it you mean disconnecting from ourselves, from our true self? Yeah. You do have you do have those successful people that are absolutely disconnected. But oh my god, how sad life that is. Those, you know, and there are many interviews with you know with very successful people in the world. But I think the difference of the ones that are truly enjoying their life and what they have from that success, is that if there are there are people who can be themselves in all of it, because it it is really tiring constantly pretending that you are someone else. Like there is as much, you know, as many years you can go like this. And also in the moment of stress, the true personality often comes out.

unknown 1:02:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:57

Probably the negative elements, not so the positive. But this is why it's important. You have to balance it with the good things, which also people often hide.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:09

For you know, but but it is, you know, we were taught sometimes, you know, and it comes from, again, it's not judgmental, right? We shouldn't be judging people because the way they go about in their adult life often comes from very early on, and because they've never had a chance to even think about twice about whether that behavior is still serving them or not. It's another, you know, it's a question they never get a chance to ask themselves. So I often say it may be not nice for all the CEOs and like, you know, bored people to hear, but often those people like we have seven-year-olds or ten-year-olds running our adults' life. Like, you know, we've picked up those behaviors as children because they've served us, because they kept us safe. And we never changed them as grown-ups.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:09

Yeah. That is true. Uh so true. Many of us have spent years, sometimes decades, trying to meet expectations that were laid on us very early in our lives. Because of those expectations, we become an achiever, a caretaker, a peacekeeper, the one who always holds everything together. Because that's what we're supposed to

Relearning Who You Really Are

SPEAKER_00 1:04:34

do. If someone listening right now realizes I don't even know who I am without all that, where can they begin?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:45

So I'll tell you where I began. When I thought, who am I really, who am I? Like, really inside. I went back to my very early childhood and I asked myself, what little Dorotta loved doing? What were the little things, you know, what are the the skills, you know, what what she as a as if I was her mom, if I looked at her, what are the things she used to strive, you know, with? Like what were her skill set, what she was great at, what she was enjoying doing. Because often, these are the skills, and now as a mom of you know of two girls, like we know who we are very early on. But again, you know, another like method I like to use, but from very early childhood, we being wrapped in a little foil. Or, you know, or you know, there is like all these ticking notes being put who we should be, right? So you stop seeing who you truly are, who you want to be, the things you love doing, like what brings you joy at the very basic level, and you start. And picking up what you should be doing, all the things that should bring you joy, and you know, all the things. Nothing is yours. And I think as an adult, our responsibility to live the life to fullest and to really enjoy our life is start unpicking all these labels. And for me, like when I got to it, I love to perform. Like I I love to like I will I used to coach people very early on, but I used to coach them like with maths, physics, but I had ability from early on, and this is where I dig and I decided I want to do more coaching because that brings me joy, it fills my cup. Because from early on, I had the ability to explain complex things in a simple way. I was able to spot Parton. I love to perform, I love to sing, I love to be on stage. But equally, I love being with my friends, but I'd never had a big, huge, you know, group of friends. I'm not a friend to everyone. I struggle to meet new people. I this force networking is not my thing, but I do love my own people, right? So when I go now to summer to Poland, I still meet the same primary school kids that used to go with, you know, we knew each other from like three, five year olds, and we still meet. And that's all I need to then fill my cup to last the whole year when I'm doing the work. So no, I haven't changed my job and just did what I love to do as a kid, but digging in and bringing back those little moments that really when I'm really thriving, you know, and and something that's really, you know, that is true me, like at the core, it it's really important because that balance, yeah, we're still an adult, you know, we still live in the world that we all have to pay for the bills and we have to have a job to pay you know to to sustain the living. But it's really important to to get that joy and that, you know, that feeling of lightness in your life. You need to just realize who you truly are. And then that means that any labels at work becoming less relevant. I don't give a damn what people talk about me anymore. Because I know who I am, I know I'm trying my best and whatever I'm doing at work, I'm doing at my best with everything I know in the time with all the experience I have. And there is no way I could have done something better, and it has to be enough. I'm happy to take feedback, I'm happy to learn, and I'm gonna get better and I'm gonna improve next time, but for now, I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna beat myself over something because it was, you know, I've not delivered something perfectly because perfection doesn't exist for the start. But you know, this is what when when you get when you do that work and you dig in and you stop attaching self-worth to others' people's opinion, this is that that changes completely kind of you know how you live your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:14

What I also like is that you make it so common sense and commonsensical, is that a word? But uh and simple. You've simplified something that a lot of people complicate. And it's it's more about creating success that no longer costs us our peace, our health, or the people we love. Thank you for sharing that wisdom with us today.

Ways To Work Together

SPEAKER_00 1:09:41

Before we wrap up, if someone listening is quietly thinking, she is talking about me, tell us about the confidential call you offer.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:52

Yes, so I offer one-to-one coaching, which is an eight eight-week program that's going through my framework and really raising awareness, learning how to regulate, giving you tools and techniques. Um, and we work together. I'll give you the accountability that you need, we rewire you, and then we set you up for success because nothing's gonna work if we don't have enough foundations and we don't build the habit and rewire how you think about yourself and the beliefs you have about yourself. Um, and then we equip you with everything you need to for sustain success long term. Um so, yes. So I uh we can put the link to my to my website where you can book a call with me. I take a small number of people because I'm still full-time, I take a small number of people every month. When do I coaching, but I also do free workshops if anyone wants to dip in and do some early work to try on, whether it's something that's it's for them or not. Um, I'm running the last one very soon, but they'll be coming after summer. So there'll be more on my LinkedIn website and my Instagram page as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:02

Wonderful. And we'll make sure and have all of that in the show notes, everybody. And don't be nervous about taking a step to finding accountability and help. I mean, it it's a coach like Dorona that she that's all she does, that's what she does, that's what she is passionate about, is about helping people find themselves and find peace. But you first have to take a step in that direction. And I think that the call, that confidential call that she offers could start out, just give it a shot, see if it's right for you. It may not be, it may not be a good fit, but you're not gonna know unless you give it a try.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:45

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:47

So if you're so welcome.

Newsletter Invite And Final Takeaway

SPEAKER_00 1:11:49

If today's conversation resonates with you, I hope that you'll connect with Dorotta through the links that again we'll put in the show notes. And if you'd like these conversations to continue beyond the podcast, I'd love to invite you to subscribe to my weekly newsletter. It's called Behind the Mic. And it's where I share reflections, practical takeaways, and behind the scenes moments inspired by each guest on each episode. So we feature them and I talk about what I personally felt during the interview, and it gives you a lot of information that you can use. So please join us and subscribe at newsletter.delaythebinge.com and just come into the village. I always say that it takes a village. If you're enjoying Delay the Binge, please take a moment to follow the podcast and leave a review. It only takes a minute, but it helps more people discover these conversations, these experts, these amazing people, and it allows us to continue bringing them to you with practical tools and whatever you need most. And remember, you don't have to fix everything today. You don't have to know the whole road. You only have to pause long enough to ask, what's the next right thing for me? Until next time, pause, choose, build momentum, and finish stronger. Thanks again, Dorona. We appreciate you so much.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:29

Thank you so much for having me. It was a wonderful conversation.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:32

Yes, yes, and I'll see everybody next week.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:36

Thank you.

Disclaimer And Closing Pause

SPEAKER_00 1:13:38

Hey, it's me, Pam. And before we go, just a quick reminder. Everything we share here is meant to encourage, educate, and get you thinking. But it's not a substitute for professional mental health, medical, legal, financial, or any other licensed advice. I'm simply someone who's walking through life, learning right alongside you. And I'm grateful we get to learn together. Always seek the guidance of a qualified professional for your unique situation. Thanks for spending this time with us. Until next time, remember sometimes the biggest change begins with one small pause. I'll see you on the next episode of Delay the Binge.