Why We Keep Repeating Unhealthy Patterns with Elaine Starling

Why do we keep doing things we know aren’t good for us?

In this powerful episode of Delay the Binge, Pam Dwyer sits down with Elaine Starling to explore the hidden patterns behind emotional eating, overworking, overthinking, people pleasing, nervous system overload, and Quiet Depletion.

After surviving a life-changing stroke and experiencing what she describes as a profound spiritual awakening, Elaine began receiving what she calls “divine downloads” about human behavior, self-worth, alignment, and the deeper reasons we disconnect from ourselves.

Together, Pam and Elaine discuss:

•  Why unhealthy patterns aren’t really about willpower 
•  The subconscious mind and emotional protection 
•  How journaling reveals hidden patterns 
•  The emotional exhaustion many women silently carry 
•  The importance of receiving instead of only giving 
•  How gratitude and awareness shift the nervous system 
•  Why “noticing your breath” is often the first step back to yourself 

One of the most powerful moments in the episode comes when Elaine says:

“When you deny your power, your power is denied to you.”

This conversation is emotional, practical, spiritual, and deeply human.

Because healing doesn’t begin when everything is fixed.
 It begins in the pause.

Full Episode Links

https://geni.us/dtb-elaine-starling 

Connect with Elaine Starling

 Website: https://www.TheAbundanceJourney.com

 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elaine.abundance

 Facebook Business Page: https://www.facebook.com/TheAbundanceJourney/

 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elainestarling/

 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elaine.abundance/

 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ElaineStarling

Transcript

The Moment Before Reaction

SPEAKER_01 0:00

There's a moment most people miss. The moment before the reaction. Whether it shows up as overworking, overthinking, or reaching for something outside ourselves, that moment is where everything can change. But most of us don't even realize we've left ourselves in it. And today we're talking about what it looks like to come back. I'm really looking forward to this conversation today. Joining me is Elaine Starling, known as the Abundance Ambassador and founder of the Abundance Journey. Elaine is the creator of the Alignment Code and a powerful framework that helps spiritually aware, high-achieving women stabilize their inner world so their outer success actually reflects who they truly are. Blending spiritual alignment, nervous system coherence, and conscious execution. She guides women to recognize misalignment, recenter quickly, and create from flow instead of force. Through her inner power protocol and her five powers of abundance, she helps women step into sovereign leadership, expand without burnout, and build success that actually feels meaningful. Elaine, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

I am thrilled to be here, Pam, and you and I have had so many laughs just getting started. I think this is going to be a giggle fest, honestly. I mean, we have so much in common. There's so many similarities. I'm having the best time ever, and we haven't even said very much yet. So we're off to a great start.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Well, it's the end of the day, it's like late afternoon, and you know, we just kind of start relaxing. Yeah. But before we go into your amazing message, I would love to find out where you are right now and what's been most present in your life or your work lately. And what are you most passionate about right now?

A Stroke And A New Mission

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Well, I have a very different kind of background than a lot of people do, Pam. I was blessed on New Year's Day 2005 to have a stroke. And I always say blessed because during my stroke, I got to have a conversation with my higher power. And I got a complete download about how everything works, why we're alive, how we can live our best life, and what happens next after this life. It's a graduation, it's not an ending, it's really nothing to worry about. And I was told at the end of my stroke to share everything that I'd learned and that they would continue to help me to explain how things work. And so to this day, I get divine downloads all the time. And my mission is to help people understand just how incredibly powerful and amazing they truly are. So I want to share one of the divine downloads that came through because it was really, really amazing. Yes. I was in my kitchen, I'm doing dishes, and I was just kind of musing over how, you know, sometimes you're working on a project and it's really easy. It's no big deal, it's a breeze, no big deal. And then other times you're working on something and it is a freaking slug. I mean, it doesn't matter what you do, everything goes wrong and is just a mess from beginning to end. And I was wondering why that happens. And I immediately felt and heard a very loud, forceful voice in my body that said, When you deny your power, your power is denied to you. When you acknowledge your power, your power is shown to you. You are more powerful than you can imagine. I was like, and I've dry my hands off and I write it down. I'm like, I've been a I've been denying my power. What am I doing to deny my power? I won't do that anymore. What am I doing? And I realize sometimes the words we use, we don't really think about them. They're just, you know, they're just the throwaway words that we use, and we don't realize that they subtly undermine our power. So I have been teaching myself not to say things like, I want, which leaves me wanting, or I need, which makes me needy, or I will try, which is very trying. Instead, I choose, I intend, I am. And you can feel an energetic difference, right? Yes. You can feel the difference in those words. So yeah, I continue to get divine downloads, and my mission truly is to reconnect people with their inner power. You are the embodiment of the divine, and the divine is flowing through you. And the better you are at aligning with that, the easier it is for the divine to flow through you, and the more fun you have, the more ease and grace you experience in your life. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

I have goosebumps. So powerful and incredibly accurate because sometimes I'll have guests on and I catch myself saying, Oh, it's just uh 10 people that liked my show or something like that. And and they'll correct me and they'll say, What do you mean it's just? That's great, Pam. You should feel very happy about that. But I I find myself with using the words that can take away from something so easily.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

You know, everything that you speak, you create. You know, the your word is your wand. You've heard that expression before. Yes. It's really true. The thoughts that are going through your mind and the words that come out of your mouth. Imagine it's like a carpet, like a red carpet that you're rolling out in front of yourself and you're kicking it with every word. You kick it out in front of you, and that's what you step into. So when you choose to step into the carpet of gratitude, things are very different than when you step into a carpet of whack.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

That's incredible. That's like um the subtle disconnection that happens underneath everything we're we're doing because we don't really put two and two together. Yeah. What uh we think is like intuition or just a wishful thought is really like you said, the divine is just trying to get a message. And I will say you're a vessel, Elaine. You are a vessel. And that's why you are gifted at at helping people feel comfortable. And when you speak, people listen. Because not everyone listens when we speak.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Well, it's what we're uh willing to receive.

Receiving Without Quiet Depletion

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Yes. And often we get in the habit of giving. And we feel really comfortable giving. And we're especially women who if you've got kids and you've got a husband, and you've got responsibilities, you've got a job, you've got parents that you're helping, and friends you're helping, and you're always helping, right? And so it feels really good to give because you know how to give. And so you give, give, give, give, give, and you forget about the receiving part.

unknown 7:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

And it you don't complete the loop if you're not willing to receive. It's like trying to live by only exhaling and never inhaling. And that's kind of hard to do. You run out real quick.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Yeah. And and too, someone reminded me once because I'm I am a giver, and it has a lot to do with the way I grew up. I think it's just my security. It's my way of making sure everyone loves me so they don't leave me, abandon me, not like me. And, you know, I've been to like, I don't know, 10 years of counseling, and I finally said, Oh, now I get it. Because it's exhausting. And mostly women, I read something the other day, you might, you may already know this, but over 70% of women suffer from quiet depletion, which is when they look fine on the outside and they're doing all the things, checking all the boxes, but they're exhausted and depleted on the inside so much that they don't even remember or know who they are anymore. And so I don't know if you've ever heard of that, but quiet depletion is a biggie.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

I I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. Yeah. Because we set very, very high standards for ourselves, which on the one hand is a good thing. And on the other hand, if it's unrealistic and it's unnecessary, and yet you hold yourself to such a high standard, and then you beat yourself up when you can't achieve something that's unrealistic and inappropriate anyway, you're setting yourself up for failure. So it's really understanding what is the role and the goal. One of the divine messages that I received recently is everything you experience in your life is guiding you to increase your capacity to witness, experience, and express more love. Everything. So the challenges, the frustrations, the the uh horrible things that you have had to cope with in your life, they are still there to empower you, to discover your own power, to step into your own truth, to choose love when you could choose fear, when you could choose to hide under the bed instead. And yet you step up, you step out, and you choose. Here's a key thing that I really believe in. The most powerful state you can be in is the state of grateful curiosity. Grateful curiosity. You don't know what's coming, you don't know what's going to happen, but you're open to experiencing the blessings in the moment. It's kind of like the difference between tunnel vision, like when I really got to get stuff done and I've got an urgent deadline and I'm freaking out about ah, so I block out everything else so I can just do this one thing.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Well, when I step into grateful curiosity, it opens up my peripheral vision. And now all of a sudden, I can just witness all the blessings that are here for me, and I'm willing to receive them. It's like being in a giant surprise party. There's blessings all around, and I just get to open these wonderful packages.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

You're speaking my language. I have one book out there published. It is a bestseller, and I'm really proud of it. It's a memoir, but the mantra of the book is your past doesn't define you, it prepares you. And I am, I believe wholeheartedly in using pain for purpose. And so you are, you are speaking my kind of language. I knew we were gonna hit it off.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Absolutely.

Why We Binge When We Know Better

SPEAKER_01 11:04

So let's get back to let's let's back up a little bit about disconnection and patterns. Um, two of my favorite subjects to research. I I'm so fascinated with the brain and why we do what we do when we know better. We know we shouldn't do something, but we still do it. And that's related to uh binging. And binging is not just food. Binging is overworking, over pleasing, overeating, overdrinking, all the things we do in excess that are unhealthy for us. And why? We know better. We know it's gonna it's not gonna serve us, but we still do it. And so, you know, we teach the pause here, which will give you a moment to stop, hopefully stop, just just think about why I am about to do this thing that's not good for me. What's really going on? And I was just once was wondering what your take is on binging.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Absolutely. The experience that I've had both personally and professionally with my clients is we really crave feeling supported and loved. We really do. We want comfort, we want ease, we want grace. And often if we don't feel that we can get it from someone else, we do the best we can to give it to ourselves. And we tend to choose the easiest, fastest, shortest path to happiness, which is the cookie, which is the glass of wine, which is the shopping, which is the, you know, whatever vice you choose. Um, yeah, I recently I read a lot of books. I read four or five books a week because they are how I relax and I read very quickly. And I happen to come upon an author that I really like, a brand new author. And she has this series of books. And the brilliant thing is the next book picks up like a week or two after the previous book. So you don't lose anything, right? Yeah, you jump right, and it's like a serial. And I'm so hooked. I was like putting off doing things that I need to do for work and things like oh, I gotta read the book, right? Like scrolling. Yeah, even though I know better, even though I know the world will not end if I take a pause, right? We get into this zone where we feel like I need this. And in reality, all we need is to notice the breath. Just notice your breath for a moment. Because often what happens is we're so busy out there with all the external stimulus, the news, the noise, the nonsense that's going on everywhere. And we forget ourselves. We lose track of us. So when you can just notice your breath, it brings you right back into the body. And the interesting thing is the conscious mind controls about 5% of the decisions you make every day. Your subconscious mind controls 95% of the decisions you make every day. And your mind is convinced it's in charge. Yeah, no, it's not. Your mind can say, we're never gonna eat a cookie again. And your subconscious mind, which is actually your entire body, which has stored old pain in the past and recognizes, you know, a cookie makes you feel better, and you're really in a bad mood right now. So a cookie will make everything better.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

Yeah, you call that the lower brain chatter, because it's the lower brain's like the caveman, it just wants to protect you, but yeah, it's that's the only purpose.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

No, yeah, but it does, it's not very effective, it's not an effective way of helping you. I find that the best way to nourish yourself is with gratitude. You know, take a glass of water, enjoy a great glass of water. It's funny, I am in a rural area and I'm on a well, and I had my dexascan bone density test done. And then a year later, they do the bone density test again, and they said, it's improved. And I was like, It's my hard water. Oh, it finally came in handy for something.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Yes, you're getting calcium somehow. Oh my gosh. That's incredible. We need to listen to our bodies. Our bodies are an incredible machine. The brain, the heart. But there's a lot, like you said, there's a lot more to the body than just the brain and the heart. There's the soul, your spiritual well-being, all those things that are there for a reason. If you just pay attention, if you continue to block it out, then how can you ever grow from it? Right. Very true. Well, people don't consciously behave with bad patterns. It's just what they've learned over time. Mm-hmm.

I Am Goals And Self Respect

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Well, I wanted to share uh something from a book that I read that I thought was really, really powerful. And the book is called A Happy Little Pocket Full of Money. A Happy Little Pocket Full of Money. Great book. It's written by two authors, and they spend an entire chapter on something called I am goals. It's I am and then fill in the blank. I am goals. And intuitively, it just made a lot of sense to me. I was like, you know, it just it this really resonates with me. But I'm also a human being. And so there was this part of me going, geez, I wish there was an example of this in my life that I could look at and say, it really works. These I am goals really work. And then I got this blinding flash of the obvious about a conversation that I had with my then boyfriend, now husband, several times over the years. And it sounds something like this. Darling, I am so happy and grateful that I get to share life with you. I am more in love with you every single day. You know, I can't always hear you, but when I can, you expand my world. I am so grateful you're in my life and that you help me experience things that I would never experience any other way. I'm so in love with you and so grateful you're in my life. Now, we are more in love every single day. We've only been together for 46 years now. And how often do you speak to yourself that way?

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Oh not often. Not often enough. Yeah. We we're we're hard on ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Very. You would never say what you say to yourself to a friend or even somebody you don't know. I mean, it's an unconscionably rude, the things that you say to yourself. And there's one person that you just wish would believe in you, would support you, would encourage you, would root for you. And that person looks at you in the mirror every single day. So talk to that person, tell them how much you love them, tell them what a great job they're doing. Tell them the progress they're making. You know, one of the things that I started doing, boy, eight or nine years ago, I have um an I have an abundance buddy that I work with. And um, every Monday through Friday, we send each other an email. And the email celebrates what I accomplished the day before over the weekend, and what I'm celebrating in advance that I'm going to get done today. And then life happens and things are different, right? So I send her my email and she sends me her email. Well, she's brilliant, she's doing all these amazing things. So I reply back to her email with each, every line, and I share resources and congratulate her on her progress and point out all of her accomplishments and her achievements and how proud I am of her and what an amazing person she is. And it pumps me up because I'm associated with this outstanding woman. And then she sends back an email to me raving about me.

unknown 19:28

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

And I'm like, that's incredible. I actually started this exercise when my parents were still alive. And I would beat myself up all the time over not getting enough done in my business. And when I started tracking where my time actually went, a lot of it was taking my parents to hospitals or to doctor visits and spending time with them. And that was precious quality time. And that's exactly what I wanted to use my time for. The business things were not nearly as important to me as nourishing this relationship and this time that I would never get to have again. And I couldn't see it until I saw it in writing through what I call my daily celebration.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Are we talking about journaling? Because I'm a huge advocate for it. Me too. It saved my life. Do you know that my book is every few chapters are my raw journal notes from therapy, showing the brokenness. And then every and the few chapters after are is what caused it. And then you can see where I'm slowly healing through therapy. And as I find myself. But I love, I still journal to this day every single day. I it helps me dump everything out of my brain. I call it the brain dump.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

Yeah, and it's so important because you don't realize all the stuff that's going on in your head. And your mind is really trying to serve you. And so when you find your thoughts spinning, it's because your mind is trying to remind you so you don't forget something. It's just it's repeating, repeating, repeating because you don't want anything to fall through the cracks. When you take the time to stop and journal and write it all down, your mind goes, Oh, she's paying attention. She's doing something. Okay, I don't have to yell quite as loud. And it really does help calm the mind and reduce the mind chatter. Yes. And then it also gives you an objective perspective. So you can see what's going on and you can tell, are these realistic expectations or unrealistic expectations? Am I being supportive or am I cutting myself down? When I deny my power, my power is denied to me.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

And talk about patterns. I always tell people that don't that fuss about journaling. I just tell them, look, do you know what you were thinking or feeling two weeks ago? And they're like, no. I said, journal, and you will. You'll see a pattern. You will find the patterns that you have no clue you have. If you just journal once a day, a little short little blip. And then go back two weeks and you'll see. Oh, every Tuesday when I have to work late, I tend to do this thing. Maybe I need to change that.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Yeah, very true. Very true.

The Recentering Journal Practice

SPEAKER_02 22:16

Yeah, there's an exercise that I have my clients do. It's called the recentering exercise. Yeah, tell me about that. Mind if I share a few steps? Yeah. Oh, please tell me more. Yes. So you definitely need a journal. So take your journal and a timer. And you want to time yourself and give yourself just like one minute. And first, you think of what is a problem or an issue that you're dealing with in your life right now that's really causing you a lot of strife, a lot of struggle. And that's kind of the headline. And then once you start the timer, all the emotions that you're feeling around this experience, just as many emotions as you can come up with for as right as fast as you can until you run out of emotions or the timer goes off. Whichever one comes first. One minute, nonstop. I'm pissed, I'm anxious, I'm frustrated, I'm worried, I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. Get it out. Then after you acknowledge how you feel, step one, acknowledge how you feel. Step two, appreciate all the challenges and obligations and requirements and all that stuff that you're dealing with. Because you want to write down, you know, I have to get this stuff done, and I still have to get the kids off to school, and I got to get the laundry done. I have to, I have no idea what I'm serving for dinner, and I have to go to the grocery store, and I have to do this, I have to do that. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Write it down because you're not making this stuff up. Your nervous system is trying to help you, and it's keeping you very alert and anxious because it feels like you are not listening. You are not listening. When you write down all the emotions, all of a sudden, your nervous system feels heard. When you write down all of the challenges, all of the issues, all the obligations that you're dealing with, you're taking it seriously. You're not making this stuff up. It's real. And so your nervous system feels seen. Step three, celebrate your skills, abilities, and values that you're bringing to the situation. Because often the first thing we do is we ignore what we bring to the party. We pretend that we're starting from ground zero and you're not. You actually have a lot of tools and resources and connections and all the things and your commitment, your your determination, your compassion, all of those qualities that make you uniquely you. And so instead of discarding those, you celebrate those and say, No, it's not perfect, and this is who I'm being in the moment anyway. When you do that, your nervous system feels valued, and finally it gets to a space where it can step down and stop being on high alert. You can get into more of a neutral zone. There's additional clearing that can be done if you need that. But for many of my clients, the next step, step four, is to recommit to your intention. Your intention is what you choose to create and how you choose to feel about it while you're creating it. I think of it as kind of like typing an address into a spiritual GPS. This is where we choose to go and how we're how much fun we're gonna have on the journey to get there. And yeah, I know as soon as I type the address in, I'm not already there. I haven't poof, magically arrived at my destination. No, I'm gonna have a lot of fun getting to my destination.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

And so when you really commit to that intention, and I encourage people to hold that intention for 78 seconds, it really makes a difference. In fact, I do that at the beginning of every episode of my show. We share an intention and hold it in silence for 78 seconds. I'm sure I'm the only show that does this. And it's because the divine aligns with your energy and says, okay, this is where we're going. So you've cleared your nervous system, you've recommitted to what you're creating, and then you step into grateful curiosity with your attention wide open, ready to receive all the blessings. So you're in charge of what you choose to create and how you choose to feel along the way. The divine is in charge of guiding you to get there. You don't need to know where you're gonna turn in 20 miles, you only care about where you're gonna turn at this intersection. So, yeah, you don't get wrapped around the axle that you don't know every single step all the way before you even get started. No, why would you? And fascinating research. Human beings love seeking, love it, crave it, want it. I am a murder mystery, a cozy murder mystery enthusiast. Don't like the really icky stuff, but I love trying to figure out the puzzle. Yes, everybody does. There is so much satisfaction in the hunt, in the search, in the quest, in the uncovering, in the discovery, and then sharing your experience with other people is incredibly rewarding. So when you choose to step in with that kind of experience and you celebrate your experience, you celebrate the unfolding instead of tapping your toe and looking at your watch every five seconds. It's not done yet. It's not done yet. Of course not. You're never done. There's always more. There's always more love, there's always more joy, there's always more abundance.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

I just love this so much. I mean, and when I was listening to your TEDx talk, congratulations, by the way. It looks like so many people are listening and benefiting from your message. And I was just taking notes. And so I that was the first note I took was the when you talked about attention and intention shaping your experience. And I'm so glad you were able to talk about that in detail.

Three Forms Of Love Revealed

SPEAKER_01 28:29

And also, I just really loved the moment when you shared a moment about preparing for friends and realizing you were performing care instead of actually feeling it. Can you can you share that with us for those of us that haven't seen your TEDx video? Oh man. I just was really I it's perfect. It's a great little scenario.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

I actually have a more recent scenario that I want to share with you that's really powerful too. Well, let's have it. Similar kind of thing. I had some friends coming to visit, and I asked them what kind of wine they like. And it I knew where I could get it, but it was about a half an hour from my house. And so I made plans to go and get the wine for them. And I'm with another friend, my walking buddy, and she's like, forget it. Get what you like, make a deal. And I felt so invalidated. I felt really hurt. It's like, are you kidding me? I'm going out of my way to make my friends feel loved and special and valued. And you're telling me to just hang that up and that doesn't matter. I was so chapped. And then I spoke with my friends who were coming to visit, and they laughed out loud at me for being so angry. They said, Elaine, you live in the wine country for crying out loud. You've probably had some wine we've never had. And if you like it, we're probably gonna like it too. So it's really not a big deal. Well, it was really funny because I sat down and journaled, and I'm I'm connecting with the divine, and the divine said, Elaine, you just witnessed the three different forms of love. You wanted to demonstrate love with nurturing and care and showing people that you were paying attention to their preferences so you could create a loving environment for them. Your friend who said, Don't bother, was reminding you that the love is really about being together. It's not about the wine.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

The wine's a nice to have, it's not a need to have. And your friends who laughed at you were reminding you that they love you. They love experiencing life through you. It doesn't have to do about the wine. So the real question, Elaine, is how much love are you willing to receive?

SPEAKER_01 30:59

That's incredible. And you're talking to a person that I feel strongly that every person has a sliver of the divine in them, because the divine is everything, all. But each of us, that's our gift, is a little sliver that we have of the higher power of whatever their your faith is. And mine is love. I have always just had this ability to love on people unconditionally. I don't expect anything back. I just want you to let me. And when people don't let me love on them, it's really an issue for me. I struggle with that. And some people put up a wall, you know? I'm like, let me in.

SPEAKER_02 31:43

Let me in. It's very interesting. I uh I have a uh one of my clients who's a very devout Catholic, has a very close relationship with Jesus. And I received a divine download that showed Jesus coming to her, and her hands were full of packages, and all these packages represented the burdens, her cares, her worries, her frustrations, her fears, all of that. And Jesus said, you know, I did make arrangements to take all that from you. And until you let that come to me and just allow me to take that from you, you can't take my hand. And my hand is here full of love for you. Now I love you with your or without your burdens. It's your choice. If you want to keep your burdens and it feels safe to you, okay, but you are forgoing the love that is available for you. And so, Pam, the key thing is that you are holding space for others. You're holding love for them. I want to share another divine download that came through.

The Seven Day Mental Diet

SPEAKER_02 32:53

I was doing an exercise that's called the seven, uh, hold it. It's uh seven-day mental diet. The seven-day mental diet is for seven days. You do not blame, shame, judge, criticize, or gossip about anyone or anything for seven days. It's very hard to do as a human being. And then you also don't expose yourself to any negative stuff. So you don't watch the news, you don't read the headlines, you don't listen to gossip, you don't none of it. And so I'm practicing because it's a practice, it takes a while. I was practicing the seven-day mental diet, and I went into the grocery store. Every single aisle had people arguing about something. And I get to the checkout line, and there's these headlines screaming about, you know, all the pol political stuff. And I overhear people talking about a natural disaster. And I get my groceries, I go out to my car and I'm sitting there, I connect with the definite. I'm like, seriously, you know I'm trying to be positive here, and you're not helping. And the message that came through was we are guiding you, and you are guiding us. Every time you witness something that you don't personally know how to fix, like the homeless situation, like someone dealing with a fatal disease, like a natural disaster. We expect you to immediately envision everyone involved or impacted to energetic levels above where they are now. Right now, they are in the flames. We expect you to envision them as the Phoenix, whole, healed, and thriving while you send them love and blessings. That's the sign we look for to support them.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

We are guiding you, and you are guiding us.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

Wow, that is so powerful and profound. I mean, I'm gonna be w thinking about all of this for a while, and I'm sure our listeners are gonna keep going back, repeat, come back. Let's go back a little further. I want to hear that again. That's awesome, that's beautiful. And I do a little thing, not that profound, but every time I hear an ambulance or a siren, then I say a prayer for the family of the person that is hurt.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

And it because we hear how often do we hear that? And it makes us feel either scared or worried, or you know, who's that ambulance going to? Is it someone I know? So it just gives me comfort instead of worry to pray about and and hope that they're okay, the family handles whatever's coming at them.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

And prayers work. Prayers are incredibly effective, especially when prayers are prayers of gratitude. And you're thanking the God of your understanding for helping these people, for guiding these people, for allowing them to feel safe and loved.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

What your message is amazingly beautiful and profound. And I can see where, I mean, a lot of times the things that I like the pause or how to get around why we do things that are unhealthy for us in excess, binging, but that a lot of that's out there. People are talking the talk. They're they're saying, this is an issue, but a lot of people are saying, okay, I get you, I hear you, this is the issue, but now what do I do with this? How do I put this into play? What's the first thing I need to do? For someone listening right now who feels pressure to to get it right and to show up perfectly, what's one small way they can return to themselves in that moment?

SPEAKER_02 36:49

I always tell people the very first thing you do is notice your breath.

unknown 36:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

Notice your breath because it brings you back to yourself. It brings you back inside and it immediately creates that little pause. So you get out of reaction mode and into a space where you choose how you're going to show up. It was very interesting. One of the messages I got during my stroke when I had the conversation with my higher power, at one point I felt as though they took my face in their hands and they were looking deeply into my eyes. And they said, We really want you to understand this.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Life isn't that much about you. Life is through you. It's about how you show up while you're here.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

And that was really funny. I was given an image of a swizzle stick. You've probably seen these, it's like at a bar where you stir up a drink. It's a little tiny straw, but it's welded together down the middle. And if you've ever tried to sip through one of those things, it'll give you a brain aneurysm because it really doesn't work. And so you can have that much divine flowing through you, make it really hard with lots of interference, or you can be this massive pipe that allows endless, infinite divine nourishing love to flow through you. And it is you, it is the embodiment of you, and yet it is beyond you. It is more than you. And it's really interesting. I often have to go back and re-watch, re-listen to meetings that I have because the messages are coming through, and it doesn't feel like it's me doing the talking.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

What I was talking about was your TEDx talk. And as a speaker, I always like to wait and listen to the close because I struggle with my clothes because I just want to go on and on and on. You have to make sure that you're timely and that you close with something that really drives home the message. I really pay attention. When you were coming towards the end of your talk, well, how is she going to end this? I don't know how she's going to close. And it was beautiful closing, but that's not what I was impacted with. What I what impacted me was when you were done. Still gets me emotional. When you were done, everyone was just clapping and saying, yay, you could hear them all just being you impacted them. You made a difference in their life, and and they were reward, you know, helping you feel that love because of what you shared. And it just makes me emotional when when you can just share your heart with people, and it really does make a difference. There was only a handful of people that ever impacted me like that growing up, and I still try to be like them to this day, you know.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

Well, you have a lot more impact than you realize.

Your Ripple Effect Through Networks

SPEAKER_02 39:55

You know, I used to think that working on myself and all of that was kind of selfish, right? I should be more focused on what I can do for everybody else. And I was guided by the divine to read a wonderful book called Connected. It has a very long subtitle, Surprising Power of Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives. Just remember connected. It's written by two social scientists who worked at two different universities, and both guys were absolutely fascinated by the whole six degrees of separation thing. And they wanted to figure out how real is this? So they got a bunch of grad students together and did a massive study, and they discovered something that they call the three degrees of influence rule. It turns out that you have influence over your friends, friends, friends, three levels away from you. I thought, wow, that's really fascinating. Friends, friends, friends. I mean, friends, yeah, friends, friends, maybe friends, friends, friends. That's surprising. And so then I asked Dr. Google, how many people could that possibly be? And she came back with a recently published article in the New York Times citing research that states the average American knows about 600 people. And I thought, as if maybe I know a hundred, I mean, that's a stretch. And I talked to a couple friends of mine, and they were like, oh, that's really low, you know, closer to a thousand people. I was like, okay, fine. Some statistician came up with this number. Let's just pretend it's the right number and see what happens. So if you imagine a bullseye where you're at the center of the bullseye, and three rings around you are your friends, friends, friends. Well, the first ring is the 600 people that you know, and they all know 600 people, so that's 360,000 people in your second ring, and they all know 600 people. That's 216 million people in your third ring. So, according to the two social scientists who wrote the book Connected, everything you think, feel, say, and do ripples out to 216,360,600 people. And they measured the impact that you have. When you choose to pause and postpone the binge, those 600 people in your first ring are 15% more likely to do the same. Wow. And the 360,000 people in your second ring are 10% more likely to do the same. And the 216 million people you're convinced there's not a way in the world, 6% more likely to do the same. Because our energy is connected so much more than you realize. So, what kind of energy are you not only sending out, but sending in?

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Oh, I love that. Can you just be on my podcast every single day?

SPEAKER_02 42:50

No, you have to be on mine a few times.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

Scratch your back, you scratch mine. Oh my gosh. What I love about everything you're saying is that it's not about fixing the behavior. It's about the disconnection that we have underneath it. And that moment, the moment the urge hits, that's where everything can change. Do you agree with that?

SPEAKER_02 43:22

Absolutely. A thousand percent. Because it's also that moment when you notice your breath, you come back into yourself, and then you have a choice. Do I do I react from fear and try to comfort myself in the short term with what has felt good in the past, but I know isn't really good for me? Or do I step into love and grateful curiosity and I don't know what's coming? And I can live in the not knowing, trusting the divine is sending blessings my way. And when I can step into that trust, when I can step into that love. That's when everything shifts.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

I just love that so much. So isn't and and I just want the listeners to know, again, I say this over and over, it it's not about fixing everything all at once. It's about choosing the next right thing and then doing that one thing. So instead of trying to control your outcomes, it's really about learning how to come back into alignment first.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

Okay. So I just want to make sure I understand. I'm trying to repeat so I can understand. And I'm going to write about this. I don't know if you know this, but I have a whole ecosystem of newsletter. I do three a week to highlight and shine a light on my guests. So I write as PJ Hamilton. That's my pen name. So Tuesdays I post a story that's a memory, a life story that happened to me, and it's usually hilarious. But a lot of times there's a big life lesson. And I now I write the short story to honor my guest's message of that for that week. And then newsletter two is on Wednesday, and it's called Inside the Pause, and it's all about the message of the guest shared with us that week. And people get early access to the episode. And then Thursday we air it and it's just all about the guest. So that's anyway. I just want to make sure I understand it clearly so I can get it right.

SPEAKER_02 45:30

Yeah, it's about aligning. And you always have choice. You always have choice. I'm going to share one more divine download that I received during my stroke. Because at one point, the divine asked me a rhetorical question. They said, okay, everything is love. You are love. The air you're breathing is love. The chair you're sitting in is love. The God of your understanding is love. Absolutely everything is love. So how do you create more love when everything already is love? And I said, Well, I really hope you figured that out because I don't have the idea. And they said, Well, we decide to create human beings who do not think that everything is love. And because you do not think everything is love, that immediately gives you this uh opportunity to choose between what is wanted and what is not wanted. That friction gives you the superpower of choice. You either step back in fear, trying to stay safe and control everything with that you already know, or you step forward with grateful curiosity, not knowing what's coming. And every time you step forward, you expand the divine, you expand love, you expand the God of your understanding. You've been human, physical many times in the past. You will be physical many times in the future because this is the rock star place to be. This is the cutting edge of the divine. It's not easy. We actually kind of mess with you a lot because it's the going out of alignment with the divine, noticing that you're out of alignment with the divine, and deliberately using your tools and techniques to get back into alignment that expands the divine. So we need you to go out so you will come back in. So we mess with you like a lot, because that's how we expand the divine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

It makes so much sense though.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

It does.

SPEAKER_01 47:30

The simplicity of it is beautiful. But human beings, we don't think simply. We like to complicate things.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

Well, it certainly becomes very complicated. But when you stop and go, okay, wait a minute.

Hiring The Heavens For Support

SPEAKER_02 47:47

There's a little exercise that I love to get my clients to do, especially the ones who are very resistant because it's hysterically funny and it really works. There's a great little book called Hiring the Heavens. Super small size, short read. And basically she says, look, there are gazillions of angels out there, and they are more than happy to help you, but you have to ask them for help. They can't just automatically willy-nilly help you out. And so I love hiring the heavens, is what she calls it. I hire angels with gratitude. So I always say thank you. First angel I hire every day is an attitude adjustment angel for me, so that I am focused on the blessings that are present in the moment instead of the problems. I can take on the burdens or I could take on the blessings. I choose the blessings. So first I hire an attitude adjustment angel for myself, and then I hire attitude adjustment angels for absolutely everyone that I will meet or impact in any way today. And it really, really works.

SPEAKER_01 48:47

I like that approach a lot better, especially for speaking. I just, I am the world's worst. Like right before I start the talk, I start doubting myself, like I'm gonna forget the words. I'm not gonna remember what to say or how to flow. And I get all up in my head and I always pray that please just let me be the vessel you need me to be and reach whoever needs to hear this today. Just give me the words. And that usually helps, but I'm gonna hire me an angel. That's what I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_02 49:17

Hire angels, hire speaker angels, hire a like a uh transcript angel that's like whispering in your ear, so you get the transcript the whole time. And the other thing is speak to your subconscious mind. Because when you say, Oh, I'm the worst at, and I always worry about always worst at, you speak with the one into existence. Instead, speak to your subconscious mind and let it know, thank you for feeding me this information. I know I already know it, and you already have the entire thing memorized. So you're just going to bring it forth, and I won't even feel as though I'm present. It's just going to flow from me in perfect timing, perfect pacing, perfect staging, perfect emphasis, everything so that I reach the hearts of those that I'm connected with. And those who are ready to receive the message will truly receive this message. And I'm so grateful that I get to be the vessel today.

SPEAKER_01 50:19

I love that. How does that feel? It feels a lot better, a lot more natural, a lot more effective.

SPEAKER_02 50:26

Because it's already there.

SPEAKER_01 50:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

It's already there.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 50:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:31

Yes, because I mean, I'm I've literally feel led that, which you probably do too, to um to share it. It gets quite loud in your head if you don't. I don't know if it gets louder and like a ringing in my ears if I I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna talk about that. I don't want to talk. They will not like you said, they mess with me.

SPEAKER_02 50:53

They do. They do.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

I need you to get this out there.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

Yeah. Yeah. When are you willing to share your gifts? Because your gifts are given to you for a reason. They're divine gifts, and it's how the divine wants to express through you. It's not about you, it's through you. And so when you're willing to step in and share your gifts, you know, it's fine if you're a little the ironic thing is science has proven that the physical body expresses anxiety and eager anticipation the exact same way. The mind makes up a story about what this is. You have that choice. You can step into fear, anxiety, or you can step into grateful curiosity, eager anticipation. Which one do you want?

SPEAKER_01 51:45

It's such a it's like a switch.

SPEAKER_02 51:47

It is.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

It is I love that.

SPEAKER_02 51:50

It's an online switch. Uh-huh. It is, because you can turn off the fear and turn on the fun. The beautiful thing is you don't have to be in control. The divine is guiding you every step of the way. You get to share your gifts, be in your intention, creating this love, this connection, this this information that really empowers the world and empowers people to be the gift that they are.

SPEAKER_01 52:18

Yes. Oh my goodness.

Bless Everything And Stay Open

SPEAKER_01 52:21

Gosh, I love that. So, what do you have to share with our listeners? Do you feel the need to share any any specific message with any with our listeners today? I mean, uh, before we close, unfortunately, before we close, but I I just would love for you to share anything you're feeling on your heart. I think it's really important for you to know that you are a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 52:43

And you are blessed. And because you are blessed, you can bless.

SPEAKER_02 52:52

So bless your water, bless your food, bless everyone on the freeway with you, bless everyone in your office building, bless everyone you meet, bless everyone you pass, bless everything in your home, bless the animals that that are around your home, bless everything, because it all comes back to you.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

Gosh.

SPEAKER_01 53:19

I just want to sit on that. So, Elaine, for people listening who are really connecting with you, where can they find your work and learn more about what's happening, what the latest, greatest news is for you?

SPEAKER_02 53:34

Absolutely. Please visit my website, theabundancejourney.com. Because your life is a journey of abundance that's continually unfolding. And I would love to support you. Please do reach out to me there and you can find some free gifts as well.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

Ooh, free gifts. I love that. Well, I'm logging in. Let me go on there. How wonderful,

Where To Find Elaine And Newsletters

SPEAKER_01 54:02

y'all. What I loved about this conversation is that it reminds us all that we're not broken. We're just disconnected in moments we don't always notice. And the power isn't in fixing everything. It's in coming back to ourselves one moment at a time. And remember what I said about the newsletters, y'all. You just go to newsletter.delaythebinge.com, sign up on that email list, and you'll be the first to get all the news, all the latest, greatest. And you can share it with people that you think could really benefit from the message, like today. So it's not just what's said, but what's true underneath it. Elaine, thank you so much for all of your beauty, all the wonderfulness of you.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

Thank you, Pam. I had such a great time today.

SPEAKER_01 54:56

Me too. Me too. Even with our faux pas there. But you knew what happened.

SPEAKER_02 55:03

It's a mystery. There was so much energy that it zapped my computer temporarily. I completely disappeared. I was like, I'm in the middle of this conversation. Where did it go?

SPEAKER_01 55:17

I was talking about the most beautiful things, and then I thought, well, nobody's hearing this. My angels are hearing it, I guess. They'll still tell your angels. Okay. Anyway, thank you so much, and everybody, thanks for listening, and I will see you next week.