Why You Still Feel Off (Even When Everything Looks Fine) | Michele Phillips | Becoming Series

What if the reason you feel “off”…
 isn’t something to push through, but something to pay attention to?

This episode is part of the Becoming Series, where each conversation explores the moment everything begins to shift.

Pam Dwyer sits down with Michele Phillips, also known as The Light Lady, to explore how energy, awareness, and alignment shape the way you show up in your life, your work, and your relationships. 

Because sometimes, life looks fine on the outside…but underneath?

You’re quietly depleted.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• how to recognize when you’re out of alignment
 • why high performers override their own needs
 • how energy impacts behavior and decision-making
 • how to interrupt patterns before they take over
 • why awareness is the first step to real change

This is where Delay the Binge™ meets alignment.

And where Becoming begins.

THE BECOMING SERIES (FULL LINEUP)

Each episode explores a different moment where everything begins to shift:

• April 30 — What If You’re Not the Mud? | Carla Royal (Prequel)
• May 7 — Becoming Isn’t Change, It’s Coming Home | Jo Weatherford
• May 14 — From Why Me to Watch Me | Christina Hepner
• May 21 — How High Achievers Burn Out (And the Small Shift That Changes Everything) | Erin Treacy
• May 28 — Why You Still Feel Exhausted (Even When You’re Doing Everything Right) | Jessica Van Antwerp
• June 4 — What You Think You Heard Is the Problem | Christine Miles
• June 11 — Creativity Isn’t a Talent, It’s a Pattern You Unlock | Leslie Grandy
• June 18 — How to Reset in 60 Seconds | Catherine Marie Charlton
• June 25 — Why You Still Feel Off (Even When Everything Looks Fine) | Michele Phillips

🎧 FOLLOW THE FULL SERIES

👉 https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLN0y28GnQUV5lAJ2tREJ9xeLsVFbzU_GD

🔗 CONNECT WITH MICHELE PHILLIPS

🌐 Website: https://key2unlock.com

🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheLightLady

💼 LinkedIn:

This is Delay the Binge™ — formerly The Plus One Theory Podcast.

Delay the Binge™ explores the patterns behind urges, habits, emotional eating, stress, burnout, and Quiet Depletion™, and what happens in the pause between impulse and action, where real behavior change begins.

Through conversations with leading experts in neuroscience, psychology, resilience, and human behavior, you’ll gain practical insight into how the brain shapes reactions, and how small, intentional shifts can interrupt patterns and create lasting change.

Because it’s not about willpower…it’s about what you do in the moment the urge hits.

Full video episodes available on YouTube
 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@pamdwyerspeaker

Learn more: https://delaythebinge.com

Pam Dwyer | Speaker & Bestselling Author
Storytelling that transforms. Healing that lasts.

Books + Speaking:  https://www.tpkkconcepts.com/

⚠️ IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical, psychological, or professional advice.

The content shared reflects personal experiences and general insights and should not replace guidance from a licensed healthcare provider, therapist, or qualified profe...

Transcript

When Life Feels Off

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You ever feel like your life looks fine on paper? You're doing all the right things, showing up, getting things done, but your energy doesn't match it. Like something just feels a little off, not wrong, just not fully aligned. Today we're talking about how to shift that. Not by doing more, but by realigning yourself, your energy, and what actually matters. Welcome back to the Delay the Bench Podcast, where we learn how to pause long enough to break patterns, reconnect with ourselves, and choose differently. One moment at a time. And today's conversation feels like a continuation in the best way. I'm joined again by Michelle Phillips, also known as the Light Lady. A happiness and performance expert who has spent over 25 years helping leaders and teams take ownership of their energy, their habits, and their outcomes. Her book, Happiness is a Habit, has impacted so many lives. And now her newest book, Energize Your Happiness, really expands on that, showing how aligning your energy, your thoughts, and your beliefs can actually shape the life you're living. Michelle, I'm so glad you're back. Oh, I'm so happy to be back, Pam. Thank you. Thank you for having me back. You're so welcome. Okay, so I have to start here. You're called the Light Lady. Yeah. Where did that come from? Because you're the best storyteller I know. And so I know there has to be a story attached to it.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

And it's such a good story, too. So I'll try to give you the shorter versions. I, in I'm going to date myself. 1997, I was working with Jack Canfield in Santa Barbara. I was being certified in his well, his peak performance workshops. We were there for eight days, literally eight in the morning to nine at night, and there was about 200 of us, and we kept moving. Every time we took a break, he wanted you to move your seat. There was a gentleman there who had this weird haircut. And I thought he just looked like a punk rocker or something. He just looked off. So I avoided him, I have to be honest. I judged. And now I have a saying, every time I judge, I'm wrong. But so I was purposely avoiding him. And of course, inevitably, we ended up sitting next to each other. And we turned out that we lived in this, we were in California. We lived so close to like 20 minutes from each other in the New York, New Jersey area. And he said to me, Michelle, we want to start doing workshops. Let's do a workshop in August. And I said, it was July. I said, Oh, my sister's getting married. I'm throwing a bridal shower. He goes, Well, let's do it in September. And I said, My sister's wedding is in September. I can't. And he looked me straight in the eyes and he goes, How long are you going to keep putting off your dreams? And I was thinking, screw you, buddy. You don't know me. And he ended up being one of my best friends. His hair was cut funny. David Musicant, I know you hear me because you're my chief angel. He had just had brain surgery, and that's why his hair was cut funny. He was legally blind because of the surgery. He lost about 70%. I don't know, it's I forget high percentage of his vision. And we just became fast friends. And the first time he ever came to my home, he was like, Your home is so full of light and love, like you. And he started calling me the light lady. And we're talking 90, I mean the 90s. And I was like, oh yeah, whatever. And the next time I saw him, he made a PowerPoint like handout for me. It was like one of those old-fashioned PowerPoints with this teacher at the blackboard. And it said the light lady in action. I still have it. And he just became, he saw me before I saw me. And so for many years, I didn't use it. And he always called it that, me that. And then I don't know, when I started actually using it, I thought, if Queen Latifah can call herself a queen, I can call myself the light lady. And we're all lightkeepers. Pam, you're a lightkeeper. People listening, it's people that want to make their places of work and their communities and the places they go brighter and lighter because they're there versus darker. So that's where that came from.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

I love that story. And I do relate to the light because, you know, you know of my childhood, but there was this one lady that told me one time, I guess I was probably nine or ten, and she says, You have such a light inside of you. She goes, I can't wait to see what you do with that.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

I get the chills. We all have we all have this light. And I always tell people, it shines in your eyes. You could be the oldest, wrinklyest, toothless person. And if you smile and your eyes sparkle, man, everything shifts. So it's up to each of us to keep the light burning or because some people I say are operating on candle power versus full steam, like full sunshine.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

My daughter told me once I was worried about the kids that she was hanging out with at school. And she goes, Mom, how am I supposed to shine a light in a lightly lit room? She goes, I must shine it in the dark room. Oh, smart girl. Yes, she is. She still is.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

She's 30 now, but she's very wise.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

What does the light mean to you in the work that you're doing?

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Yeah, the light to me is alignment. So again, we all have this, you know, the eyes don't age, I always say, right? The eyes don't age. And when your head, your heart, and your gut are in alignment, you feel it's like driving a beautiful. Imagine I gave you the most beautiful sports car right now with these high performance tires, and you had this open road in front of you, and I said, Pam, just go have a ball. And you hit the gas, and though when you're going fast, when you're in alignment, right, it feels so good. But imagine, man, one of those tires blew out. Then it's like, oh, it becomes a bumpy ride, and you get so frightened and panicked. Most people, unfortunately, I say, are living their lives on adrenaline versus alignment. So they're reactive decision making, they're burnt out, they're disengaged, they're, you know, just they're not connecting with people, and they're trying to sustain a performance level that's unsustainable. So even that race car, I love the race car analogy, has to go in the pit, right? It has to go in the pit. It needs to take that tune up. And we need the same thing, but most of us are running, most people try to run their lives like they're a machine, and machines don't eat or sleep or rest. And we need all of that to stay in that beautiful alignment. And then when that light shines, you walk into a room and you don't have to say anything, and people feel you.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Yes, exactly. I I love that. It's it's all that's all delay the binge. Yes. Because it's that dopamine hit we're seeking whenever we act on bad habits. It could be arguing with your husband. That's a dopamine hit. And it's because you're exhausted.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

And knowing, right, and knowing when you're out of alignment. Yes. So when you know, I always tell people, tell me a time when you were in alignment, when you were mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally just feeling so good. And, you know, I I love dancing, or I used to rollerblade, or just a lot of out, you know, being in the woods when you're just you could dance around that dance floor. You don't, there's no purpose. You're not trying to get anywhere. You're just like swimming in your own beautiful emotions. So I ask people, you know, do you know a time like that? Hopefully they do. It could be, you know, just when I was alone under the tree with a book. It doesn't have to be, you know, high energy, but that that connection to yourself. Um, you know, I've walked, I've walked into certain church um places of worship, and you're like, oh man, the energy here is on fire. It just feels so good. Once you know what it feels like, then you need to start paying attention to when you get off course and when you're out of alignment. And it starts with that little twist in your gut. That's the simplest thing to say.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

I'm off, yeah, I'm off course. Yeah, yeah, definitely. And just paying attention, being more clear on what your body is trying to tell you.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Yeah, because it's screaming at you all the time. But most of us we override it, we don't listen, we endure it. And you know, my favorite, where's that? There's that over-the-counter thing. I think it's called Bino. Like, you're gonna take this before you eat the spicy food. I'm like, well, how do you even know if it's working? Like it's the craziest thing. It's like you're anticipating getting heartburn. So you're taking a drug before you eat something. So then if you don't get heartburn, was it the drug or was it you? It just doesn't make any sense to me. Makes me crazy, it makes me laugh. How we, you know, certain foods agree with me, certain foods don't. And if we just even like delay the binge, you know, for years I was a closet eater. I think, I don't know if we spoke about that. And it wasn't until I started tuning in and threw away the scale and just said, how do I feel? My stomach, I realize, is really small, and it doesn't take, you know, my eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

My very first experience of understanding binge was with my roommate, and I opened our closet door and she had a whole pot of macaroni and cheese and was eating it with a sperm.

Glowing And Flowing Through Habits

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Like stuff our emotions and eat our emotions versus ask what we need. So once you know when you're aligned, you have clear thinking, you have emotional regulation, you make good decisions, and you just get, I would say you get from the day instead of through the day, which is two very different things.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

So speaking of aligned, what's been feeling really aligned for you right now? Oh, good question.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Um, you know, my book, my new book just came out in December. So that's always fun. When you have a new book, then you have to, you know, start talking about it more. And the biggest thing is that, you know, energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transmuted. So while I still have all the emotional ups and downs in life, it's what's feeling aligned now is having the tools to realize that this stuff works. And when you have the tools and you practice them, you have way more good days than bad days. And the bad days come. I mean, yesterday was a bad day. Was it yesterday or the day before? Um, I took an earlier flight home from New Orleans and I got to the New York, but my luggage did not get to New York. And, you know, I put me in a bad mood, and then my husband was trying to cheer me up. So I don't know, you asked me what, so I was totally out of alignment. But I think what gets me excited these days is when I am out of alignment, I know it's temporary. That is such a truth for me. Even with everything that's going on in the world, I feel calm. I don't live in anxiety, I don't live in fear. I don't like a lot of what goes on, don't get me wrong, but I don't let I have enough agency to not let my mind go down the road of things I don't control. So that's an answer to your question. When I stop giving my energy to things I don't control, I'm in a line, I'm in alignment and I feel better.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

I really love that. It's interesting because the last time we talked on the podcast, it was a lot about habits. But this idea of energy feels like, you know, a next layer.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Yeah, and it was. So my first book was all about mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional habits.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

And the more I practice them on a regular basis, and this is what's so exciting, Pam, is well, and this has been researched. If you do something for yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, on a regular basis, the studies show you feel better. So I'm doing these habits. They're little, they're not huge. And the more I did them, the more I started having these really energetic days. And it's like a regular Wednesday. And, you know, I the Uber driver's in a good mood, and I get to the airport early and I enjoy the lounge, and then I get upgraded on the plane, and the, you know, the guy who opens the door at the hotel ends up being, you know, I just everything glows and flows. So I started saying, I'm glowing and flowing. I'm glowing and flowing. And that's where the next book came from because when you practice those simple habits, it brings you up to the next level of frequency, and then that becomes your new normal. Now, I had a really not good day on the way in the airport the other day. Uh we won't get into all the mishaps that happened, but boom, you're back. Right. So it doesn't mean you're perfect. It doesn't mean you don't experience stress, but it means you're you definitely rebound and your energy is something you have agency over. It's not something, it's almost like unconditional love. That word says, I want to love the, I don't want the conditions to have to be a certain way for me to feel loving. I want to feel loving towards the world and everyone without the conditions the way I want them. And that's where this energy comes in. It just definitely brings you to a new, a new level.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Yeah, and and people are really good at at giving their energy away to negative things instead of positive things, you know. Like if you are upset, if you are having a bad day and you get into an argument, say, with the cashier at the grocery store, don't give her all your energy to stop. Save the energy for something great, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

But I've had to learn that. So I've I've definitely done that to my husband. Throw up all my bad energy on him over and over until I learned not to do that.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yes. And I know I always say this to people, but sometimes the shoemaker has the worst-looking shoes. So I always say people in in the mental health industry are, you know, they have to work on themselves too in practice.

Catch Misalignment Before Hijack

SPEAKER_01 14:05

No, it's true. I always say everything I teach comes out of my own doubts, fears, and insecurities. Because this, these teachings have literally upped my game, changed my life, and made things so much easier. People go, Oh, Michelle, you just have it easy. I'm like, oh, hell no, man. I have been working on myself. I am the living test woman for, you know, my whole life, you know, decades. So it's it it gets easier, but it didn't come out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

So for those listening, I would like for you to tell them, you know, you talk a lot about aligning your personal energy. And I think a lot of people don't even realize when they're out of alignment. So how would someone know that they're out of alignment?

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Yeah. So first I ask, you know, like, see, if you think of the athlete, an athlete would say they're in the zone or the runner's high. When you're in that space where things are just going well, you could get lost at work doing things at work. You could be reading a beautiful book, you could be just taking a walk with your, you know, your pet around the block. There's times in your life when you're really present. All your senses are engaged in what you're doing. That's being in alignment. Being out of alignment is those twists in your stomach and the voice in your head. So this is how, so first I want people to know what it feels like to be in alignment. The athlete would call that the zone. The positive psychologist calls it the flow state. And it's kind of like time flies. I'm having so much fun painting this picture that I didn't even realize two hours went by because you were in the flow state. That's what it feels like. Then to know, and when you're in that flow state or the zone, everything's easier. I call it your personal energy alignment, and everything is easier. But when you're out of that state, you're pushing and shoving, and you're just you're forcing things to happen versus letting them happen. So I want people to know first what it feels like, and then what it feels like to be out of the state, and then the key is to catch it early. So the minute you get that little twist in your gut, you know, you could be sitting at your desk typing along, everything's good, and then all of a sudden an email comes in and you go, right? Something that bothered you, right? So most people just override that. If you stop in that moment and pause and say, what just caused that twist in my gut? Oh, I I had a bad memory. Oh, I, you know, then when you catch it, you process it versus having one negative thought, then the next, and having it build till, you know, kind of the straw that breaks a camel's back. The other thing I want to say, Pam, is when you're in that beautiful state, you your thoughts are your mind is quiet. When you're in the flow state, your mind isn't raging at you. It's not telling you you should be someplace else, do something else. It's just enjoying the meal. It's enjoying the sip of wine, it's looking at the sunset and it's with you. You are personally aligned. But when I'm sitting here with the wine and on the sun looks beautiful, but all I'm thinking of is my taxes are due in two weeks, I'm out of alignment. So knowing that you're out of alignment, knowing what it feels like to be in alignment, and then this catching it early is the key to all of this. Because when you catch it early, it's if a truck was at a you know on a very steep hill and it was about to roll down the hill, if you catch it before it starts rolling, you save the truck. If it starts rolling down that steep hill, man, you gotta get out of it, you better get out of the way. But that's what happens with our emotions. They get going too fast and we can't reel them in, and now we're emotionally hijacked.

Quiet Depletion And Self Time

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Yes, I I see it a lot um in in people who are they're doing really well on the outside. They're great performers. We all are at one time or another, but showing up, getting things done. But underneath, they are exhausted or something feels missing, or they're just not content. And and I call it quiet depletion.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Because and and it affects mostly women because we are doing checking all the boxes, doing all the themes, but we're we're ignoring our own needs, our own identity. We forget to focus on ourselves just for a moment.

unknown 18:44

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Oh my gosh, I have so many women that you know they are so busy doing for everyone else. And it it almost like I have to force my coaching clients sometimes like, oh my God, I need you to do 20 minutes for yourself. Can you find 20 minutes a couple times a week? You know, and everybody listening, if you don't have 20 minutes to yourself, it should be every day, it should be an hour or more. But um, you know, again, all the research shows people that carve that time out to be with themselves, doing something that educates, motivates, or inspires them, helps them, you know, be more calm, be more resilient, all these things we want, but yet we're in a world that is constantly telling us to do versus to be. And we're human beings. We are the being behind the human. We are not the human doings. You know, so that being part is important.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Exactly. And I always tell people, you know how you have to go work out to build muscle. Well, the mind is no different. Yes. But to work them, to get the mind strong, it's the opposite of working out. It's well, it could look be a form of exercise. It is an exercise to be in in silence, to be quiet for a moment, to hear your own thoughts and needs. That's so wise.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

I said, you know, the I don't know that the I'm making up this number, but you get the gist. I would say the meditation industry is a five billion dollar industry, all geared to help you stop the brain chatter. Right? It's all trying to get you to disconnect. So it's learning how to do that. Um, you know, what and you called it quiet depletion or just really paying attention to, you know, I guess anyone listening to start with, first buy my book, of course, but also pay attention to the times in the day when you're smiling, when you're enjoying yourself, when time is flying. What are you doing? Who are you with? What are you focused on? And then even if everyone just looked at their calendar right now and said, what are the activities on my calendar that are bringing me joy and what are the sucking my energy? And the research is exciting. The research from Gallup at Work says you only have to be focused at work on what you love about 20% of each day to enjoy what you do. It's not like you have to be doing what you love all the time, but if it's a part of what you do every day, you feel better.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Well, and and a lot of people I talk to are or help, they are they don't know what they like. They know what they don't like, but they haven't taken the time to have that alignment, you know, that feeling of this makes me happy. This is on the calendar, and I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Well, you know, I like what you're saying too, Pam. They they know what they don't like because that's where our brain goes immediately. But everything is an out we live in a polar universe. So if I don't like this one thing, what's the opposite of that? Right. And then you start to build from there because um everything has an opposite and a counterbalance. So, you know, if you don't like having no free time or no time for you, then well, evidently that you're saying I would like some. Time for me, or I don't know what I like because I'm working too much. Well, that means you need to work less, or use your vacation time because a lot of, I mean, I think the statistics are still 60% of Americans don't use all their vacation days. And that we are pathetic. That is just sad. You only get two, whatever, whatever you're getting. There's maybe a week. Exactly. I'm like, use all your vacation days. So, you know, once you know what you don't want, I I think that's a good thing because now it's like, okay, what's the opposite? You know, let's start working from there.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

And I think a lot of times successful people, when they're successful at work, they don't, they feel like they'll go backwards if they leave and let someone else, or maybe someone else will do it better. They can't disconnect from that because of their fear of failure. And that's a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

And that's really that's confidence building. To me, confidence is practicing. Confidence doesn't, you don't just get confidence, but the more I practice being me and being good at it, I'm like, oh, I took a little step out of my comfort zone. Oh, I took another step. If tomorrow this whole business, like tomorrow podcasting is over and we don't do coaching and training anymore. I mean, AI could take over my job in a year, who the heck knows? I don't know. Then I trust, I'm confident enough to trust that there'll be something else. And that's the difference between worrying I can't take a day off, someone might replace me, and knowing I'm valuable and this time off is necessary. It's not, it's non-negotiable. And if they don't appreciate me, someone else will. It's a big difference. Um, I call it being employable. And Pam, I used to tell my students, I want you to work on yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally on a regular basis because you stay relevant and employable. If you got this job, you know, 20 years ago and you've done nothing to make yourself better, then you probably should be a little nervous because, you know, other people are still growing and learning. But if you continuously taught yourself, keep learning, keep practicing new skills, um, you are employable here or someplace else.

Focus Your Energy On Control

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Yes. And in your book, I mean, you talk a lot about um energy is best spent on things in our control, which is what you were just sharing. And I think that is such a powerful shift from what we normally think, which is we tend to give our energy to things we can't control. I mean, it's mind-boggling. Why do we do that?

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Well, because our brains are set up like that. So again, our our reptilian brain is set up to keep us safe. So if it wants to keep us safe, it's always looking for danger. It's always like, am I safe? So the left brain is provide and protect. It's, you know, your spatial, your mathematics, your, and it's always looking to provide what we need, get what we need, and protect ourselves. Your right brain is creativity, spirituality, wisdom, love. But we have become such a left brain society that we don't give ourselves time to get into that right brain spirituality, love, and you've said it twice, Pam. Our focus, our attention is so sloppy and slipshod, it's imagine you're just looking, you're just spreading yourself too thin. So I I probably said this example in the last podcast, but if I go outside on a sunny day with a magnifying glass and a pile of leaves, I will focus all that energy of the sun and I will start a fire. Each of us has that same energy, but we're we're splashing it all over the place. We're not being consistent with where we are focusing it and diluting. Yes, diluting. That's the perfect word. And that's why we feel weak. But when we focus it, when I say, what do I control? Where am I putting my energy? It just changes everything. And you, what I love about this is everyone listening, it res you feel it instantly, and then you go, oh, that feels different. I'm doing, I'm on the right path. That's the hint, right? That's the sign.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

And what do you have to lose? The time passes anyway. That was one of my most recent posts. Time's going to pass anyway. Why not try this out? Why not utilize this and and try to improve the way you're feeling inside? I think a lot of people are quietly searching, not because their life is falling apart or anything, but because something doesn't feel aligned or complete. Do you think that's connected to purpose?

SPEAKER_01 26:40

I do. I think well, I also think like you, you had like these epiphanies and you had some hard times that led you to search seek what's a different way of living, what's a different way of looking at life, how can I help people? Most people want feel just like you do and I do. We want to help people. So I do believe that we are just in our evolution as a human species at a time where the energy is moving fast, and the people that know how to manage their energy and focus are going to come out, are gonna be okay. But the people that are trying to control everybody and everything, it's a recipe for disaster. So, I mean, I'm just starting to read Eckert Tolle's book, A New Earth, for like the 10th, 15th, I've read it so many times. Read the book. And it's all about you cannot create a new world without a new inside world. So I do believe that there's a, I mean, we're at this precipice in our history where people are realizing they can only control so so many things outside them, where they have to go inside and say, okay, what do I have control of? And it does lead to purpose. I think there's a lot of what I call lightkeepers, uplifters, people like yourself on the planet that are looking to make shifts and change. And we need those people and we need all of them. And, you know, I kind of make the joke going in the days when they sent one only one or two prophets, we need everybody because we have a big, we have a big job ahead here. So it's um perfect for Good Friday, right? Um we all are needed to help us look inward. Um, and what is the purpose? And again, any religion, and I'm I'm a spiritual person, I'm not a religious person, but love is the root. So getting back to that love, getting back to that internal love so that I could give the love is the lesson for all of us. And I think the Course in Miracles says every act is either an act of love or a cry for love. And that always resonates with me. So if you look at how people are behaving, they're either behaving in that unconditional love or they're needing the love. So that's where grace comes in.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Yes, love. I I even say say it in my book. I talk about my mom, and I knew she loved me. So even though everything else was terrible, but I still knew she loved me. And I also knew as a child that she didn't love herself.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

And that's freeing for you. Yes. Right. She did the best she could with what she had.

Be The Boss Of Wanda

SPEAKER_00 29:16

She really did love you. Yeah. Yeah. And so the other day, my six-year-old granddaughter told me, she said, Grammy, you are not the boss of me. And for some reason my mind went right to you, which because you talk about uh being the boss of your voice.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

And I think that's something people really struggle with. So, how do we take control of that voice in real life? How do we do it?

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Oh, well, I love that you thought of me there um with your granddaughter. So these are just, I have all these sayings that keep me focused. And one of it, you know, there's these voices in our head. And my, I've named my negative voice Wanda, because she just never shuts up. She always takes the microphone. She, and and the thing of what I'm learning about the reptilian brain is there's going to be a part of our reptilian brain that never matures. We're going to have this little person inside us that wants to pitch a fit, judge people, judge ourselves, be nasty. That person doesn't mature in our brain, but we can create new neural pathways to engage other areas of our brain. So whenever I hear that negative voice, I say, okay, I'm the boss of me, Wanda. You're not the boss, right? You're a thought in my head that's trying to protect me. I understand you want to protect me, you want to keep me safe. And you do that by keeping me small. I love you. Thank you for the, but we want to hear from Grace. Grace is my side of spirituality and wisdom. And I'll ask Grace to chime in. So um, you know, we do have to realize we do have two voices in our head. Um, you know, that voice of the I can't do like sometimes when you go to do something, you're like, oh my God, I'm so excited, I'm gonna do it. And then the other voice is like, oh my god, I can't do it. So it's which voice you listen to, and and that's when I say, I'm the voice of which voice I tune into.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

That's interesting, be learning this from you because it doesn't sound like becoming someone completely different. It sounds like coming back to yourself. So these are different Wanda is is not the same as the person you know talking to us today. So I mean, but it's it is who you are, all of them, correct?

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Yeah, yes, because that's the thing. If you think about um it is all who we are, but if you think of being emotionally hijacked, what's actually neurologically going on, if something upsets us so much that we lose our cool, our body's adrenaline system, which is fascinating, sends all the blood to our arms and legs. Am I gonna run or fight? Am I gonna fight or flee? I'm gonna need all this energy. And it literally almost unwires our brain. It unwires, it lessens the connection in our immune system. So that's why in a court of law, they'll say to the person, oh, my client was temporarily insane. Because they were temporarily insane. It doesn't condone bad behavior, but their brain was not operating fully functioning in that moment of adrenaline. Right. The research says after that adrenaline releases, in 90 seconds, if you're not in an actual emergency, it's gone. But we keep plugging in because we keep talking about it. Oh, did you hear what you said? I can't believe I have to do this, blah, blah, blah. Versus if we go, you know, I had a bad thought, this adrenaline bursts out, but I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm having a beautiful conversation on a nice April day.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

Yes, and and practicing that, I think that's where becoming really lives. So, what do you think about becoming? Is it building something new or coming back to something that was always there? Can you tell us what it's like?

Energy Rules And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 33:00

I think it's both, Pam. I think you're onto something. And I love the whole becoming because we're always becoming something, whether we're aware of it or not. But I think the awareness, the consciousness is the key to this because you know some people that I would say they age, but they don't mature. So when you're literally focused on becoming, it's staying true to who you are in a way that honors others as well. It's not, I expect everyone else to do it my way. It's I am becoming the best version of Michelle Phillips I can be, and I honor the best version of you, Pam. And I might be at a different level than so some people are at the same level, some people are at different levels. We're all at these different levels, but we're all becoming. And I want to give grace to people that, you know, I always say if you're happy and confident, happy, confident people make you feel happy and confident. And someone who's a bully or, you know, being they're just not in their own good place.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Mm-hmm. It it's a lot like kindness. It's contagious. It really is. It just takes one small act.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

And it's a superpower that, you know, unfortunately, I don't know, we have too many reality shows that show us the opposite, but you know, we know better.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Yes, yes, we do. And when we're searching, we tend to people people try to add more to their lives, more to their plate, seeking uh, you know, fulfillment when that they think that's what's missing is they need to add more when what they really need is to realign with who they are.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

You said that's so agree. Yes. Um, I was just reading some fascinating statistics about consumerism and materialism. You know, if you think about the Western world, we're like the richest society. We we there's a quote: America uses more garbage bags than most countries have garbage. So how much stuff we have and how much we, you know, why aren't we happier? Why aren't we feeling better? Because we put material we we've we put materialism on a pedestal. We put what we own before who we are. And if we consistently put what we own before who we are, we'll never be happy. So there's a great um documentary I just watched too. I think it's called The Minimalist or Minimalism. It's on Netflix. Yeah, I think I've seen that. It was so good. I mean, it was this guy who lives in an apartment with a jacket and a spoon and a coffee cup. I can't live like that, but I do have probably too much stuff, right? It's really knowing we don't need a lot to make us happy. And if it comes to, you know, I'd rather spend the day in the park with my, you know, my pet versus spend it at my computer.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Yeah, yeah. I agree. If your energy isn't aligned with who you are, it's always you're always going to feel like something's missing.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

And that's I love that joke. People say, something's missing from my life. And I'm like, it's you. You're missing from your life.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Always give people a visual of, you know, this mountain of life that we're climbing. It's so hard at times. There's rain and storms, but we still keep climbing because we want to get to the top, to the summit. We just know everything's gonna be okay up there. And then when you do finally reach the top, it's like, is this it? Is this what I'm there's just another mountain, I promise you.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Because you didn't enjoy the journey, right? You didn't look around. And again, I always say I'm teaching what I need to learn most. It's definitely made a difference in my life. Um, helped me trust more, give me a foundation, and then, you know, knowing that nothing, it's you know, my bad moods are temporary. They're, you know, enjoying life is more fun than um what's the word? I don't know, working, I guess. Or not it's not working. We like what we do, but you know what?

SPEAKER_00 36:44

I lost my thought there. So okay, so there's just so much to unpack, but I know we're out of time, but you share so many powerful ideas in your book. I loved your book. But if someone only remembered one thing, one energy rule, what would you want it to be?

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Uh it's probably one of the first ones I I love. It's energy's at your service. It's at your service. It's I call them energy rules, Pam. I was playing on the word like like having a lot of energy rules, it's really good, but there's rules to energy. When if I jumped off a building, gravity is the rule. I can't break graph, but the same thing with my thoughts. You will find if you focus on what you control and what's going right in your life on a regular basis, energy will rise to meet you. Versus if you just keep talking about what's wrong with the world and people are unfair, and you just get more of the same. Whatever you're thinking and talking about is what you're getting. So if you want to change your results, you change your thoughts, your beliefs, your energy, and then everything rises to meet where meet you.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

It's at your service. So powerful. You know, if people just try to get curious and some clarity on what it feels like to be aligned, you know, some people have never experienced it, or maybe they did and they just didn't realize it.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

But and we're not taught. So I think that's why we're out here teaching, and there are so many teachers out there. And, you know, one last thought, I'll, you know, what's your balance between education and entertainment? Some people are just so busy entertaining themselves, playing video games, watching Netflix, or whatever they're and they're not educating. There's so many things that could help you. Um, so just balance the two. That's all I ask.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Balance. Oof. Yeah. Balance is tough for a lot of people. If someone listening feels like their life looks good on the outside, but doesn't feel so good on the inside, what would you want them to hear today?

SPEAKER_01 38:48

You there's hope. There's always hope. Um, and it could be the littlest thing, right? I always say if you have can't find one thing to be grateful for, it's your heart is beating. And if your heart is beating, you could probably get yourself to a library and get a book or listen to a podcast, or, you know, so it's just the baby steps. I want people to celebrate the baby steps because those are the consistent things that get you where you want, no matter how far, you know, off track you are.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

For my regular listeners, that's the plus one right there. And for those listening who are really connecting with this and they want more, what's the best way for them to find you, your work, and your new book?

SPEAKER_01 39:33

Yeah, if you go to energize your happiness.com, that leads you to my website, which will lead you to all my social media, everything that you need. But energize your happiness.com will bring you to all my connections.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

I love this conversation because it reminds us of something really important. You don't have to push harder. You don't have to do more. You don't have to become someone completely different. Sometimes what you're feeling isn't failure, it's misalignment. You can be doing everything right on the outside and still feel something missing on the inside. That doesn't mean you're broken. It just means something is asking for your attention. Listen to your body. And the shift isn't in changing everything, it's in reconnecting with your energy, your direction, your truth. That's how becoming begins. Not all at once, but in the moments you pause, realign, and choose differently. If this conversation resonated with you, share it. Share it with someone who might need it. And as always, keep showing up, keep getting curious, and keep becoming someone you respect. Thank you, Michelle. Namaste. Thank you, Pam. Thank you. And I'll see you all next week.