Episode 47: When The Shelter Catches Fire

We break down a simple framework for hard seasons: the storm outside, the shelter we run to, and the fire that starts inside when pressure builds. We share five clear steps to rise above both reactions, find fresh air, and rebuild with boundaries and vision.

• storm, shelter, and fire explained
• the third option as a pause for perspective
• naming the storm and the fire to create distance
• stepping outside, breathing, journaling, prayer for clarity
• three-column exercise: control, influence, release
• letting the storm cool the shelter and teach
• rebuilding with wisdom, boundaries, and new windows
• kindness, clarity, and courage for teams and communities

If your team, organization, or conference needs this message, visit pamdwyer.com/speaking and book me for your next event
So please share, like, follow, join my email list and stay in the know with all that's going on

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Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Plus One Mindset
• 1:01 Storms, Shelters, And The Fire Within
• 2:44 Choosing The Third Option: The Rise
• 4:18 Five Practical Steps To Rise
• 7:35 Rebuild With Vision And Invitation

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:08

Hi there, everybody. It's Pam Dwyer, the host of the Plus One Theory Podcast, the show where we talk about how to finish stronger than you started, and how to use life's hardest moments as the very fuel that moves you forward. Because your past doesn't define you, it prepares you. Every episode we explore stories, strategies, and real conversations about turning pain into purpose, failure into focus, and fear into faith. We don't settle for average here. We always go for the plus one, that little extra effort, that deeper breath, that one more step when it would be easier to stop. When life hits hard, really hard, the first thing we want is relief. We want a place to think, to breathe, to hide from the noise. We tell ourselves if I can just get out of this storm for one minute, I'll figure it out. So we run for cover. We find what feels like shelter, maybe a job, a relationship, a familiar routine, even a belief that if we work harder, plan better, stay quiet long enough, the storm will pass. But sometimes the storm follows us inside, and that's when it happens. Our shelter catches fire. The storm represents everything outside your control finances, relationships, timing, health. It's that rush of wind that knocks you sideways and leaves you scrambling for footing. The shelter is the thing you run to for comfort or control, a job, a person, a plan, a coping habit. It gives you the illusion of safety. It's familiar, predictable. The fire starts when pressure builds inside that shelter. It's fear, guilt, resentment, shame, exhaustion, you name it, the emotional spark that turns comfort into chaos. So now you've got two issues the storm raging outside and the fire burning inside your shelter, your safe place. And you're in the middle asking, how did I end up here again? You were chasing peace. You were trying to survive. But when the storm rages long enough, every shelter starts to strain. You want relief and you found responsibility. You wanted calm and you found criticism. You wanted support and felt pressure instead. That's the moment the shelter catches fire. Now you're trapped between two kinds of pain the chaos you ran from and the control you can't keep. Do you run back into the storm? You might escape the flames, but you're right back in the wind, cold, confused, carrying the same fear that you chased inside. Or do you stay and fight the fire? You try to fix, defend, explain, but the more you fight, the thicker the smoke gets. You can't see, you can't breathe. Both choices are reactions, both driven by fear, and neither brings peace. But there is a third option, you know. It doesn't look heroic, it looks still. It's the pause. It's the rise. When I say rise, I don't mean pretending everything's fine. I mean stepping out of the smoke long enough to see the truth. At first it feels worse. The heat is stronger up there. The smoke follows you because heat rises too. For a moment you think this isn't working, it's unbearable. But keep going. Don't stop halfway. Because just above that layer of heat, the air changes. Like swimming toward the surface of deep water. You're scared you won't make it, and then fresh air. You inhale for the first time in what feels like forever. That breath, that's relief. That's clarity. That's the reward for rising through instead of running away. You've made it through the thickest smoke, the air's still pretty hazy, but you can breathe again and that's when rising starts to make some sense. The storm is what's happening to you. The shelter is where you run for relief. The fire it's what happens inside when that relief turns to pressure. And the rise, that's the third option. It's the pause that lets you see the whole picture. That's why rising matters. You can't think clearly in smoke. And you can't plan your future while gasping for air. Rising is an escape. It's perspective. Here's five ways that have worked for me to rise above both options one and two where you fight the storm, stay outside, or go into your shelter and fight the fire. The third option has five ways to work. Number one is you pause before you react. Rising begins with stillness. That first breath after panic, that's your climb. And number two, name what's happening. Say it out loud. This is my storm. This is my fire. Naming separates you from it. And number three, step outside for clarity. Sometimes you need to literally step outside. Literally. Breathe some fresh air or journal and pray. Walk barefoot on the grass outside. It really helps foc it helps center you. Number four, refocus on what you can control. This is what I do. I get a piece of paper and I write three columns. And I label one control, number two, influence, and number three, release. Peace hides in the release, that third column. It really does help to see it on paper for me. You should give it a try. And number five, let the storm do its work. The rain that scared you is what puts the fire out in your shelter. Let it cool and cleanse what needs to go. When you do that, you realize something beautiful. The storm and the fire were never enemies. They were teachers. One revealed what needed healing, and the other brought the healing itself. And then there it is. The fresh air. Take it in. You made it through. When you finally reach that pocket of clean air, you realize you're not the same person who ran for cover. You're calmer, clearer, different. The storm and the fire didn't break you. They revealed you. You look back and see your shelter. Scarred, singed, lots of damage there. But it's still standing. And now you can rebuild with clarity instead of panic or fear. Rebuilding isn't about restoring what was. It's about strengthening what remains. You patch the roof with wisdom, rebuild the walls with boundaries, and you add windows where there used to be walls. That's what rising gives you. Vision. It doesn't stop the next storm, it prepares you for it. Carry these lessons into life. Pause before reacting. Step outside for clarity and refocus on what you can control. Let the storm do its work. They're not survival tricks. They're transformation tools. You can't control the weather, but you can train your soul to stay steady through it. That's the essence of the plus one theory. Finish stronger than you started. If you're listening right now and your shelter feels like it's burning down, financially, emotionally, or spiritually, please know this. You can rise too. And when you look back down, you'll see the rain falling, cooling, healing. The same storm that scared you now saving you. That's the gift of rising. Now imagine what would happen if more workplaces, classrooms, and communities understood this, that storms aren't proof of failure, but invitations to clarity. That's why I speak. That's why I write. Because I've lived it. I've seen what happens when people realize that rising above the storm and the fire isn't about pretending to be strong. It's about remembering that they already are. They're already strong. If your team, organization, or conference needs this message, visit pamdwyre.com slash speaking and book me for your next event. We'll explore how kindness, clarity, and courage can change the way people lead, work, and live. Your past doesn't define you, it prepares you. So when your shelter catches fire, remember the third option. Pause, rise, and breathe in the relief that's been waiting for you all along. So please share, like, follow, join my email list and stay in the know with all that's going on. I have like several new books coming out in the new year. The holidays are coming, so I have lots of specials coming on my books. Lots of great ideas on kindness. So follow me. Come along with me, and let's explore kindness together. Let's remind one another to be the best we can be. You know, plus one. Thanks for listening.