The Plus One Theory

Episode 35: Burp the Alphabet, Pass the Caviar

• Pam Dwyer • Season 1 • Episode 35

Share episode

Send us a text

Personal growth doesn't have to be perfect—it just needs to be honest. Pam shares the humorous and poignant story of her two vastly different weddings as evidence of her transformation and personal journey.

• Running away at 15 with a boy who became her first husband, living paycheck-to-paycheck and making questionable financial decisions
• Getting married for tax breaks and having a simple courthouse wedding followed by cake at mom's house
• Becoming a single mother after being sent back to Texas on a bus with her young son
• Meeting Tim, her husband of 30 years, and navigating the clash between his high-society background and her country roots
• Having an elegant winter wedding where the cultural differences between families were painfully apparent
• Understanding that shame makes us believe lies about ourselves and recreate chaos because it feels familiar
• Reconnecting with yourself by writing thoughts before bed, taking phoneless walks, speaking truth aloud, and creating quiet time
• Learning that growth doesn't erase your past but shows what it prepared you for
• Discovering that belonging comes from bringing your full authentic self, not from fitting in

Sign up for my email list at PamDwyerSpeaker.com to stay updated on my upcoming book, "Delay the Binge." Big things are coming, and I want you to be part of it!


Visit Pam Dwyer online and sign up on her email list to receive the latest updates!

Speaker 1:

Hey friends, welcome to the Plus One Theory podcast, where we talk about finishing stronger than you started. I'm your host, pam Dwyer, speaker, storyteller and a firm believer that personal growth doesn't have to be perfect, but it should at least be honest. Today's episode is a little different. We're keeping it light, a little funny and very real, because if you've ever needed proof that you're not the same person you were 10 or 20 years ago, just look at your wedding photos. Y'all. I've been married twice and if there's one thing both weddings taught me, it's that you can't outgrow your roots, but you can absolutely outgrow your past. So let me tell you a little story. I'm going to call it Burp the Alphabet or Pass the Caviar A Tale of Two Weddings.

Speaker 1:

So when I was 15 years old, I ran away to Florida with a boy from school and somehow by codependency, survival instinct or sheer teenage stubbornness that relationship lasted. Somehow we were broken souls, enabling each other in all the ways we didn't understand. Yet We'd spend the weekend blowing our rent money at amusement parks, and then we would pack our meager belongings into black trash bags and sneak out of the apartments in the middle of the night because we could not pay the rent. We didn't have it, we blew it. We quit jobs like we were, changing outfits, played house like kids from a broken childhood. Because, guess what? That's exactly what we were. Eventually we found out you get better tax breaks when you're married. So naturally we thought, hey, let's do this. That's a great reason to get married. Right, I bought a white dress, we went down to the courthouse, said our I do's and came back to my mama's house where she'd baked a cake and invited a handful of family to celebrate with us. It was country thrown together, chaotic and kind. We even got a few pictures. Fast forward a few years. We had a baby boy and eventually that boy that I ran off with. Well, he put me and our son on a bus back to Texas. That story, well, it's in From the Piney Woods if you want to read all about it in detail. What I'll tell you here is that becoming a single mom was not in the plan, but it became the beginning of who I am today.

Speaker 1:

Years later, I met Tim, my now husband of forever, of 30 years, and let me just say our world could not have been more different. He came from a family born into high society, so to speak Manners elegance, grace, napkins folded like origami. Meanwhile I could burp the alphabet and make fart noises with my armpits. His mom was so gracious, truly, but I was constantly afraid of doing something wrong. I believed this lie, that I didn't belong there, that they saw me as a single mom looking for a paycheck. They didn't, of course, but I believed it because that's what shame does? It whispers nonsense when you're trying to find peace. My therapist would later tell me you grew up with rejection and chaos so subconsciously you're trying to recreate it. Because drama feels safe, feels comfortable.

Speaker 1:

Let's talk about our wedding, shall we? I had to pay some of my relatives to dress the part because it was formal. My family is East Texas, rowdy, big hearts, big mouths and no need of table etiquette. Tim's family, reserved, cultured, silently stunned. Kyle, my son, was four at the time and throwing a full-on meltdown tantrum during our photos. Those pictures, they're hilarious now, but it was pretty painful and embarrassing. Then the reception was beautiful it was in December, so it was like a and embarrassing. Then the reception was beautiful it was in December, so it was like a winter wonderland. It was so elaborate because Tim's mother created it, but when my people arrived they sat quietly. Believe it or not, it wasn't the kind of party they knew. It was elegant and awkward. Two worlds, one wedding.

Speaker 1:

Let's be real for a minute. It's easy to tell these stories and laugh about it now, but at the time I wasn't laughing. I was trying to survive, trying to fit in, trying to figure out who I was. And maybe you're in that place right now. Maybe you're still trying to figure out who you are, outside the labels, the roles, the expectations, and maybe you've spent so long trying to be what others needed you forgot what you need. Here's what I want you to think about when you lay your head on the pillow at night and your brain finally quiets those thoughts before sleep. That's who you are, not the roles you play, not the act you put on, but that voice inside. That's the real you. But if your head is so full of noises, worry, pressure, you'll never hear it.

Speaker 1:

So here's your next move Get it out of your head and onto paper. You write it all down. Dump every task, worry, insecurity and random should that's been riding your brain like a bad roommate? And then you circle the thing, the one thing that actually matters. One circle, one step. You know where we're going with this right, because it's easier to believe the lies about yourself when you're exhausted and tired and worn out, and it's easier to feel exhausted when you've lost your sense of direction.

Speaker 1:

So here are a few ways that you can pause and get back to yourself. You can write your thoughts before bed. Just have a tablet and a pencil or a pen next to the bed and if you're having trouble sleeping because of everything roaming around in your head, just write, let your real thoughts surface. You can take a five-minute walk no phone, no agenda, just breathe. You can say out loud one truth about yourself, even if it's hard to believe it could be I'm worthy of good things, or I belong, or I'm still becoming. And finally, you can turn down the noise. Even 10 minutes of quiet can help you hear what matters. Noise, even 10 minutes of quiet can help you hear what matters. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to create enough space to hear yourself again and listen. You're still in there Underneath the noise. Let's go find her. Here's the thing.

Speaker 1:

Both weddings were true to who I was at the time, and I don't regret either one of them, because one showed me how much pain I had to work through, and the other showed me how far I had come. I used to think I didn't belong anywhere. Now I know I belong wherever I bring my full self. I can toast with champagne or drink from a red solo cup. I can sit at the fancy table or dance barefoot in the backyard. Growth doesn't erase your past. It just shows you what it prepared you for. And now I laugh. I own my story. I can look at those wedding photos and see not just awkwardness or fear, but evidence of transformation. Whether your wedding had champagne, toast or solo cups, it's not about where you start. It's about who you become. If this episode made you smile just a little bit, share it with a friend who's lived a little life and learned a little humor along the way.

Speaker 1:

And don't forget to subscribe to the Plus One Theory podcast. You can also visit me at PamDwyerpeakercom to catch all the stories, episodes and upcoming events. Be sure to join my email list to stay updated on my upcoming book, delay the Binge. I am so excited about it. Y'all Big things are coming with this, big big things, and I want you to be part of it. So sign up on that email list so you can know first. Until next time friends laugh often, love deeply and remember you can burp the alphabet and pass the caviar. We call that growth. Thanks for listening.