The Plus One Theory

Episode 23: The Humility Discipline: How Ego Clouds Leadership and Health

• Pam Dwyer • Season 1 • Episode 23

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The Plus One Theory centers on the idea that there's always one more intentional step we can take when we think we've reached our limits, creating real change without burnout. May's episodes focus on health and well-being across all dimensions as we explore Mental Health Awareness Month.

• Leading without ego requires recognizing that humility is strength, not weakness
• Ego-driven leadership leads to burnout, comparison, and disconnection
• Ask yourself: "Am I trying to prove something or am I trying to build something?"
• Humility isn't thinking less of yourself – it's thinking of yourself less often
• Four practical steps to practice humility: pause before reacting, ask questions instead of making statements, admit when you're wrong, and celebrate others loudly
• My personal health journey demonstrates how ego can interfere with finding solutions
• This week's challenge: Pick one moment to practice stepping aside and letting someone else lead

Head to PamDwyer.com or PamDwyerSpeaker.com to support the crowdfunding campaign for the Plus One Theory book and workbook, with reward tiers starting at $10. Sign up for my email list to stay connected with upcoming events and resources.


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Speaker 1:

Hey there, welcome back to the Plus One Theory Podcast. I'm your host, pam Dwyer, and if this is your first time tuning in, I'm so glad you're here. Let me explain what the plus one theory is all about. It's the idea that when you think you've reached your limit, there's always one more intentional step. You can take One more act of kindness, one more breath, one more choice that pulls you forward instead of keeping you stuck. And when you stack those little steps consistently, they create real change, without pressure, without perfection and without burnout. And since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, we're dedicating this month's episodes to exploring health and well-being, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. That includes leadership, relationships, energy and self-care.

Speaker 1:

Today we're digging into a topic that gets overlooked far too often, especially in business teams and family life life how to lead without ego. Let's start with this. We all have egos. That's not a bad thing. It's how we protect ourselves, advocate for ourselves and take up space in the world. But when we let ego run the show, when we lead from a place of fear, control or needing to be right all the time, we lose connection, we lose trust and, worst of all, we lose our ability to grow.

Speaker 1:

Humility is not weakness. It's actually one of the strongest tools a leader can develop. And, like anything else, humility is a discipline, it's a practice. You're not born humble and you don't stay humble just because you had one moment of grace. It's a choice to step back and say Maybe I don't have all the answers and maybe this isn't about me. Maybe someone else needs the spotlight today about me. Maybe someone else needs the spotlight today. That kind of leadership well, it's rare, but it's powerful.

Speaker 1:

Let me give you an example of what ego and leadership can look like, because I've been there too. My husband says I don't like being told what to do, but it's just my ego getting in the way. When I first started writing my book From the Piney Woods, I poured all my creativity, my time, my energy into writing it. I felt deeply invested. And when someone I knew offered a suggestion to change something, I immediately felt defensive, not because they were wrong, but because my ego felt threatened. That moment taught me something hard but necessary Feedback isn't failure. Letting others contribute doesn't make your role smaller. It actually makes your leadership stronger. That's humility in action. And let me tell you, that takes practice. I still have to practice it every single day. This is where I had to apply the plus one theory. I asked myself what's one way I can respond with openness instead of defensiveness, and just that one shift changed how I finished writing my story going forward.

Speaker 1:

Ego isn't just about pride. It's also about pressure. When you feel like you have to be everything to everyone or like your value is tied to performance or productivity, ego steps in to push you harder, and that leads straight to burnout. I used to believe that unless I was pushing myself to the limit, I wasn't working hard enough, but I've learned that growth happens in the gaps, the quiet moments, the breath between the busy. If you're leading in your family, your job, your business and your energy is drained every single day where you feel exhausted, it might be time to check your ego.

Speaker 1:

Am I trying to prove something or am I trying to build something? That's a question you should ask yourself. That's how you know if it's your ego or not. Am I trying to prove something or am I trying to build something, because one leads to burnout and the other leads to purpose. I had to ask myself this question a lot when I was in youth ministry. Am I trying to prove something or am I trying to build something? It kept me grounded, that question. Now, with my book, I have to ask the same question Am I trying to prove something or am I trying to build something? You know the why. You must ask yourself all the time why am I doing this? What's really behind it? When we constantly lead from ego, always needing to prove ourselves, win every argument, outshine everyone, we exhaust ourselves emotionally. It creates burnout, comparison and disconnection from others and from our real selves, who you really are. But when we operate from humility, we lead with honesty and we create safe spaces for others to do the same. That's exactly what the plus one theory is about Creating these intentional shifts, one small moment at a time, to become who we were really meant to be.

Speaker 1:

Let's be clear Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It's thinking of yourself less often. It's listening more than you speak. It's getting credit when it's not required. It's being open to feedback, even when it stings. And you know what Humility takes courage. It's like when people say, oh, she's so fearless. Well, no, she's not. She's scared to death, but she does it anyway, and that's called courage. It's very courageous and humility is the same. It's not that humble leaders don't have egos. Everybody has egos. They just practice keeping the ego in check. It's a discipline.

Speaker 1:

Let's pause here for a second. I want you to think about a time recently when you were leading something or in charge of something you know a conversation, a family decision, a work project. Ask yourself did I listen more than I spoke, or did I assume the best in others and did I make space for someone else to shine? That's how you know if ego is running the show or if you're leading from humility. If every parent could ask themselves these types of questions, then children would learn so much better. It might even stick. Now let's talk about how this connects to well-being on a deeper level, especially when it comes to your physical health.

Speaker 1:

For years I struggled with symptoms no one could explain. I had extreme fatigue and the kind of migraines that sent me to bed. For hours, sometimes days. I went from specialist to specialist. I even had a hysterectomy, thinking hormones were the culprit or at least my doctor did, but nothing really helped. One doctor even told me I couldn't believe this, but he said maybe, pam, you just need some therapy. Let me tell you that felt like a punch in the gut, but I didn't stop searching Deep down. I knew something was wrong. Eventually, I found a doctor who believed in me and believed me and ran more tests that revealed a methylation issue. Basically, I couldn't absorb B12, which was a big breakthrough, because maybe that's what was making me tired, that and a thyroid issue, I think. But anyway, it was a while back and still I kept gaining weight. I was tired, inflamed and frustrated. We also discovered I had H pylori, which is a very tough gut bacteria. It's very hard to kill and a lot of people have it, believe it or not, but it was resistant to whatever treatment the doctor was giving me. He tried all different combinations of antibiotics. It was resistant to any form of treatment, so we would just monitor it year after year to make sure that it wasn't causing havoc, wreaking havoc in my gut. And after countless diets, gym memberships and health fads, I finally made the decision to do something I never thought I would do, and I'll be sharing more about this in an upcoming episode where I'll compare bariatric surgery with weight loss and those injections that are so popular right now, and we're going to talk about the real pros and cons of both for my own personal experience. So stay tuned for that one. It's going to be a good one.

Speaker 1:

So what does all of this have to do with ego? When you're struggling mentally, emotionally, physically, your ego will often say you should have figured this out by now. Or why can't you just do what everyone else does? And the worst one is you're weak. You are weak and your humble voice, the one rooted in truth, says I'm not broken. I just need a different path, or one step at a time is enough and my journey is valid.

Speaker 1:

The plus one theory invites us to lead ourselves first, with gentleness, curiosity and discipline. That's how we lead without ego. That's how we change from the inside out. So what does a plus one look like when it comes to leadership and humility? Here's a few simple steps I wrote down for y'all.

Speaker 1:

There's four different ones. Number one you pause. You pause before reacting. Next time you feel that little ego flare up maybe someone challenged your idea or gave someone else the credit Just pause, take a breath and then respond from a place of humility. Number two ask questions instead of making statements, instead of here's what we're going to do. Try what do you all think is the best path forward, and genuinely listen to the answers. That small shift empowers others and it will help you learn. Number three is admit when you're wrong, even just a little. This one is hard, but it's powerful. Saying you're right I didn't think of it that way is one of the most effective trust builders out there. And number four celebrate others loudly and often your team, your family, your coworkers-workers, your kids speak life into them. That's the kind of leader people follow and listen to, not because they have to, but because they want to.

Speaker 1:

Leadership isn't about title or authority. It's about influence and presence. And the people who influence us most. They usually lead with love, kindness, consistency and yes, humility. So ask yourself where am I letting ego lead right now? Or what would it look like to practice humility instead? Or what's a plus one I can take this week to become the leader I most admire? So this week, your challenge is this Pick one moment and practice stepping aside. Let someone else lead the meeting. Let your partner or child share their solution with you. Celebrate someone else's win instead of trying to one-up them. That's your plus one this week.

Speaker 1:

So, as we continue our health and well-being series, let this be your reminder. The strongest leaders are the ones who ask for help, who listen and who learn. They don't show up perfect, they show up honest. Next week, I'll be sitting down with an amazing massage therapist from Oak Haven Massage in San Antonio. He's a Tier 4 guru who's going to share how physical healing, touch and intention all play a role in your overall health. You won't want to miss it, so stay tuned for that one. So stay tuned for that one.

Speaker 1:

And before we close, just a quick reminder my crowdfunding campaign to publish the Plus One Theory and its workbook is officially live. There are some amazing reward tiers in there, from $10 up. So whatever is comfortable for you, I'd love your support. Head to PamDwyercom or PamDwyerSpeakercom to learn more. Please sign up on my email list if you can. That way, you can stay in touch with all the things I am doing to bring awareness to doing your best. Plus one more. Also. Last week we celebrated Mother's Day, and I just wanted to say thanks again to all the incredible women out there who keep showing up with one more ounce of love, strength or patience every single day. You are what this podcast is all about. Until next time, stay strong, stay kind and remember. When you lead with humility, everybody wins, including yourself.